Slay.me » Blonde Jokes http://slay.me Serious times call for serious laughter Mon, 23 Apr 2012 22:36:12 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 Frozen Crabs and the Blonde Stewardess http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/frozen-crabs-and-the-blonde-stewardess http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/frozen-crabs-and-the-blonde-stewardess#comments Mon, 23 Apr 2012 22:36:12 +0000 jokes http://slay.me/?p=1807 A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator.

He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.
Shortly before landing in New York , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, “Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand?”

Not one hand went up ….. so she took them home and ate them.

Two lessons here:
1. Lawyers aren’t as smart as they think they are.
2. Blondes aren’t as dumb as most folks think!

]]> http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/frozen-crabs-and-the-blonde-stewardess/feed 0 The Ice Fishing Blonde http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-ice-fishing-blonde http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-ice-fishing-blonde#comments Sat, 21 Jan 2012 14:00:13 +0000 jokes http://slay.me/?p=1711 A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She’d seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.

After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed,

“THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed,

“THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”

The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole.

The voice came once more,

“THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”

She stopped, looked skyward, and said,

“IS THAT YOU LORD?”

The voice replied,

“No, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK.”

]]> http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-ice-fishing-blonde/feed 0 Football and the Blonde http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/football-and-the-blonde http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/football-and-the-blonde#comments Fri, 30 Dec 2011 20:56:46 +0000 jokes http://slay.me/?p=1694 A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it.

“Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”

Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, “What do you mean?”

“Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was… ‘Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’ I’m like…Helloooooo? It’s only 25 cents!!!!”

]]> http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/football-and-the-blonde/feed 0 The Blonde Milk Bath http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-blonde-milk-bath http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-blonde-milk-bath#comments Fri, 26 Aug 2011 14:26:11 +0000 jokes http://slay.me/?p=1544 A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake.  He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons.  So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, “I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?”

The blonde said, “No, I want 25 gallons.  I’m going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again.”

The milkman asked, “Do you want it pasteurized?”

The blonde said, “No, just up to my tits. I can splash it on my eyes.”

]]> http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-blonde-milk-bath/feed 0 Delta Airlines and the Blonde http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/delta-airlines-and-the-blonde http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/delta-airlines-and-the-blonde#comments Tue, 08 Jun 2010 14:00:03 +0000 jokes http://slay.me/?p=1198 Slay.me Joke of the DayA blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks,

‘Can you tell me how long it’ll take to fly from   San Francisco  to   New York City  ?’

The agent replies, ‘Just a minute.’

‘Thank you,’ the blonde says, and hangs up.

]]> http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/delta-airlines-and-the-blonde/feed 0 Nosy Bitch Cleaning Lady and the Blonde http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/nosy-bitch-cleaning-lady-and-the-blonde http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/nosy-bitch-cleaning-lady-and-the-blonde#comments Wed, 02 Jun 2010 13:31:24 +0000 jokes http://slay.me/?p=803 Slay.me Joke of the DayA Blonde drops off a blouse at the cleaners and heads for the door.

The Asian lady behind the counter thanks her, and says

“Come Again”..

The Blonde says

“No, it’s toothpaste this time you nosey bitch!!!!”

]]> http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/nosy-bitch-cleaning-lady-and-the-blonde/feed 0 The Blind Man in the All-Girl Biker Bar http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-blind-man-in-the-all-girl-biker-bar http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-blind-man-in-the-all-girl-biker-bar#comments Sat, 27 Feb 2010 14:00:48 +0000 jokes http://slay.me/?p=986 Slay.me Joke of the DayAn old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter,

“Hey, you wanna hear a blond joke?”

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a verydeep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,  “Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only
fair, considering that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blond girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blond girl.

3.I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blond woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blond and a professional weightlifter.

5. The lady to your right is blond and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?”

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, “No…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

]]> http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-blind-man-in-the-all-girl-biker-bar/feed 0 Hot Blonde in the Sports Car Joke http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/hot-blonde-in-the-sports-car-joke http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/hot-blonde-in-the-sports-car-joke#comments Wed, 23 Dec 2009 14:00:04 +0000 jokes http://slay.me/?p=841 Slay.me Joke of the DayOne day while on patrol a police officer pulled over a car for speeding.

He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window.

The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car was how hot the driver was! Drop dead blonde the works.

I’ve pulled you over for speeding ma’me…..could I see your drivers license…?

“…Whats a license…???” replied the blonde. instantly giving away the fact that she was as a stump.

Its usually in your wallet… replied the officer.

After fumbling for a few minutes the driver managed to find it. Now may I see your registration!!! Asked the cop.

Registration….whats that…?asked the blonde.

Its usually in your glove compartment said the cop impatiently after some more fumbling she found the registration. Ill be back in a minute..

the cop said and walked back to his car.  The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the womans license and registration.

After a few moments the dispatcher came back. Ummm is this woman driving a red sports car.

Yes….Replied the officer.

Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde? asked the dispatcher.

Uh…Yes replied the cop.

Heres what you do…..said the dispatcher.

Give her stuff back and drop your pants.

WHAT!!!?Icant do that. Its ……..inappropriate..exclaimed the cop.

Trust me….Just do it..said the dispatcher.

So the cop goes back to the car gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.

The blonde looks down and sighs….. Ohh no……not ANOTHER breathalyzer….

]]> http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/hot-blonde-in-the-sports-car-joke/feed 0 Blonde Detective Training http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/blonde-detective-training http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/blonde-detective-training#comments Tue, 22 Dec 2009 14:00:53 +0000 jokes http://slay.me/?p=837 Slay.me Joke of the DayA policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”

The first blonde answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”

The policeman says, “Well…uh…that’s because the picture shows his profile.”

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, “Ha! He’d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!”

The policeman angrily responds, “What’s the matter with you two?!? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it’s a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?” He quickly adds” . . . think hard before giving me a stupid answer.”

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, “Hmmmm . . . the suspect wears contact lenses.”

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn’t know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. “Well, that’s an interesting answer . . . wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I’ll get back to you on that.”

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect’s file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. “Wow! I can’t believe it…it’s TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?”

“That’s easy,” the blonde replied. “He can’t wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.

]]> http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/blonde-detective-training/feed 0 The Blonde Password http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-blonde-password http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-blonde-password#comments Wed, 18 Nov 2009 14:25:00 +0000 jokes http://slay.me/?p=737 Slay.me Joke of the DayDuring a recent company password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy

When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long.

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