Slay.me » Blonde Jokes http://slay.me Serious times call for serious laughter Mon, 30 Aug 2010 21:30:27 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8 en hourly 1 Delta Airlines and the Blonde http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/delta-airlines-and-the-blonde http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/delta-airlines-and-the-blonde#comments Tue, 08 Jun 2010 14:00:03 +0000 jokes http://slay.me/?p=1198 Slay.me Joke of the DayA blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks,

‘Can you tell me how long it’ll take to fly from   San Francisco  to   New York City  ?’

The agent replies, ‘Just a minute.’

‘Thank you,’ the blonde says, and hangs up.

]]> http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/delta-airlines-and-the-blonde/feed 0 Nosy Bitch Cleaning Lady and the Blonde http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/nosy-bitch-cleaning-lady-and-the-blonde http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/nosy-bitch-cleaning-lady-and-the-blonde#comments Wed, 02 Jun 2010 13:31:24 +0000 jokes http://slay.me/?p=803 Slay.me Joke of the DayA Blonde drops off a blouse at the cleaners and heads for the door.

The Asian lady behind the counter thanks her, and says

“Come Again”..

The Blonde says

“No, it’s toothpaste this time you nosey bitch!!!!”

]]> http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/nosy-bitch-cleaning-lady-and-the-blonde/feed 0 The Blind Man in the All-Girl Biker Bar http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-blind-man-in-the-all-girl-biker-bar http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-blind-man-in-the-all-girl-biker-bar#comments Sat, 27 Feb 2010 14:00:48 +0000 jokes http://slay.me/?p=986 Slay.me Joke of the DayAn old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter,

“Hey, you wanna hear a blond joke?”

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a verydeep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,  “Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only
fair, considering that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blond girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blond girl.

3.I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blond woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blond and a professional weightlifter.

5. The lady to your right is blond and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?”

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, “No…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

]]> http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-blind-man-in-the-all-girl-biker-bar/feed 0 Hot Blonde in the Sports Car Joke http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/hot-blonde-in-the-sports-car-joke http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/hot-blonde-in-the-sports-car-joke#comments Wed, 23 Dec 2009 14:00:04 +0000 jokes http://slay.me/?p=841 Slay.me Joke of the DayOne day while on patrol a police officer pulled over a car for speeding.

He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window.

The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car was how hot the driver was! Drop dead blonde the works.

I’ve pulled you over for speeding ma’me…..could I see your drivers license…?

“…Whats a license…???” replied the blonde. instantly giving away the fact that she was as a stump.

Its usually in your wallet… replied the officer.

After fumbling for a few minutes the driver managed to find it. Now may I see your registration!!! Asked the cop.

Registration….whats that…?asked the blonde.

Its usually in your glove compartment said the cop impatiently after some more fumbling she found the registration. Ill be back in a minute..

the cop said and walked back to his car.  The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the womans license and registration.

After a few moments the dispatcher came back. Ummm is this woman driving a red sports car.

Yes….Replied the officer.

Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde? asked the dispatcher.

Uh…Yes replied the cop.

Heres what you do…..said the dispatcher.

Give her stuff back and drop your pants.

WHAT!!!?Icant do that. Its ……..inappropriate..exclaimed the cop.

Trust me….Just do it..said the dispatcher.

So the cop goes back to the car gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.

The blonde looks down and sighs….. Ohh no……not ANOTHER breathalyzer….

]]> http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/hot-blonde-in-the-sports-car-joke/feed 0 Blonde Detective Training http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/blonde-detective-training http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/blonde-detective-training#comments Tue, 22 Dec 2009 14:00:53 +0000 jokes http://slay.me/?p=837 Slay.me Joke of the DayA policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”

The first blonde answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”

The policeman says, “Well…uh…that’s because the picture shows his profile.”

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, “Ha! He’d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!”

The policeman angrily responds, “What’s the matter with you two?!? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it’s a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?” He quickly adds” . . . think hard before giving me a stupid answer.”

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, “Hmmmm . . . the suspect wears contact lenses.”

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn’t know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. “Well, that’s an interesting answer . . . wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I’ll get back to you on that.”

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect’s file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. “Wow! I can’t believe it…it’s TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?”

“That’s easy,” the blonde replied. “He can’t wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.

]]> http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/blonde-detective-training/feed 0 The Blonde Password http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-blonde-password http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-blonde-password#comments Wed, 18 Nov 2009 14:25:00 +0000 jokes http://slay.me/?p=737 Slay.me Joke of the DayDuring a recent company password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy

When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long.

]]> http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-blonde-password/feed 0 The Elevator Ride http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-elevator-ride http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-elevator-ride#comments Fri, 06 Nov 2009 14:00:47 +0000 jokes http://slay.me/?p=707 Slay.me Joke of the DayA redhead, a brunette, and a blonde are riding in an elevator. The redhead notices a spot on the elevator wall and says, “That looks like a cum stain!”

The brunette leans over and smells the stain. “Smells like a cum stain too!”

The blonde leans over and licks the spot on the elevator wall, then says, “Yep, but it’s nobody from this building.”

]]> http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-elevator-ride/feed 0 A Blonde’s Diary On A Cruise http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/a-blondes-diary-on-a-cruise http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/a-blondes-diary-on-a-cruise#comments Sun, 11 Oct 2009 14:00:35 +0000 jokes http://slay.me/?p=635 Slay.me Joke of the DayDIARY: DAY 1

All packed for the cruise ship — all my sexiest dresses and make-up. Really excited.

DIARY: DAY 2

Entire day at sea, beautiful and saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today — seems like a very nice man.

DIARY: DAY 3

At the pool today. Also some shuffle boarding and hit golf balls off the deck. Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive.

DIARY:DAY 4

Won $800.00 in the ship’s casino. Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin. Had a luxurious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the nigh t but I declined. Told him I could not be unfaithful to my husband.

DIARY: DAY 5

Pool again today, got sunburned, and went inside to drink at piano bar for rest of day. Captain saw me, bought me several large drinks. Really is charming. Again asked me to visit his cabin for the night. Again I declined. He told me if I did not let him have his way with me he would sink the ship. I was shocked.

DIARY: DAY 6

Today I saved 1600 lives.
Twice.

]]> http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/a-blondes-diary-on-a-cruise/feed 0 Blonde Prostitute http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/blonde-prostitute http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/blonde-prostitute#comments Fri, 28 Aug 2009 14:00:56 +0000 jokes http://slay.me/?p=541 Slay.me Joke of the DayIn testifying before the Judge in a rape case, the complaining witness, a Blonde Prostitute was asked

by the Judge.  “When did it occur to you that the defendant raped you versus his claim of consensual sex?

The Blonde replied ” when his check bounced.”

]]> http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/blonde-prostitute/feed 0 Bob and the Blonde http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/bob-and-the-blonde http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/bob-and-the-blonde#comments Thu, 27 Aug 2009 14:00:28 +0000 jokes http://slay.me/?p=538 Slay.me Joke of the DayBob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm . He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 10 pm news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, “Do you think he’ll jump?”

Bob said, “You know, I bet he’ll jump.”

The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.”

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, “You’re on!”

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, “Fair’s fair. Here’s your money.”

Bob replied, “I can’t take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 pm news, and so I knew he would jump.”

The blonde replied, “I did too, but I didn’t think he’d do it again.”

Bob took the money…

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