“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says.

“We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you  call your sister in Chicago and tell her.”

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.  “Like heck they’re getting divorced,” she shouts, “I’ll take care of
this.”

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back,  and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU  HEAR ME?” And hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Okay,” he  says, “They’re coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way.”

1.  Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? – The outside

2.  Why did they let the turkey join the band? – Because he had the drumsticks

3.  Why did the police arrest the turkey?  They suspected it of fowl play

4.  What did the turkey say before it was roasted? Boy! I’m stuffed!

5.  What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? – He had an arrow escape

And finally…

Twas the night of Thanksgiving, But I just couldn’t sleep.
I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep
The leftovers beckoned — The dark meat and white,
But I fought the temptation with all of my might.

Tossing and turning with anticipation
The thought of a snack became infatuation.
So I raced to the kitchen, Flung open the door,
And gazed at the fridge full of goodies galore.
I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
Pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.

I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
Till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground !!

I crashed through the ceiling. Floating into the sky….
With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie,
But I managed to yell as I soared past the trees …

HAPPY EATING TO ALL !!

PASS THE CRANBERRIES PLEASE !!