Slay.me » Irish Jokes http://slay.me Serious times call for serious laughter Mon, 30 Aug 2010 21:30:27 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8 en hourly 1 The British Airways Flight Joke http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-british-airways-flight-joke http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-british-airways-flight-joke#comments Thu, 15 Apr 2010 14:00:18 +0000 jokes http://slay.me/?p=1078 Slay.me Joke of the DayThis is your Captain speaking …

Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:

‘Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain ..Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto.

The weather ahead is good, so we  should have a smooth uneventful flight.  So sit back,relax and….. OH, MY GOD !

Silence followed!

Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom.

‘Ladies and gentlemen, I’m sorry if I scared you . While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap.

You should see the front of my pants!’

One Irish passenger yelled, ‘be jezis you should see the back of mine! ‘

_____

-Submitted by Ellae E – Thanks!

]]> http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-british-airways-flight-joke/feed 0 The Last Wish of the Irishman Joke – Happy St. Patrick’s Day! http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-last-wish-of-the-irishman http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-last-wish-of-the-irishman#comments Wed, 17 Mar 2010 17:27:49 +0000 jokes http://slay.me/?p=1049 Slay.me Joke of the DayTwo Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O’Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas, Patrick developed cancer, and was dying. While on his deathbed, Patrick called to his buddy, Shawn, “O’Brian, come ‘ere. I ‘ave a request for ye.” Shawn walked to his friend’s bedside and kneels.

“Shawny ole boy, we’ve been friends all our lives, and now I’m leaving ‘ere. I ‘ave one last request fir ye to do.”

O’Brian burst into tears, “Anything Patrick, anything ye wish. It’s done.”

“Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland.  Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I’ll be able to enjoy it for all eternity.”

O’Brian was overcome by the beauty and in the true Irish spirit of his friend’s request, he asked, “Aye, tis a fine thing you ask of me, and I will pour the whiskey. But, might I strain it through me kidneys first?”

]]> http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-last-wish-of-the-irishman/feed 0 The Irish Doctor and the Horney Patient http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-irish-doctor-and-the-horney-patient http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-irish-doctor-and-the-horney-patient#comments Mon, 11 Jan 2010 15:46:37 +0000 jokes http://slay.me/?p=917 Slay.me Joke of the DayA doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant

“Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients”.

“Yes, sir!” answers Murphy.

The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: “So,Murphy, how was your day?”

Murphy told him that he took care of three patients… “The first one had a headache so he did…So I gave him Paracetamol.”

“Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?” asks the doctor…

“The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon… So I did sir” says Murphy…

“Bravo, bravo!…You’re good at this and what about the third one?”Asks the doctor.

“Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman bursts in so she does… Like a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everyting including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: ‘HELP ME for the love of St Patrick…For five years I have not seen any man!’”

“Tunderin’ lard Jesus Murphy, what did you do?”Asks the doctor… ? ?

“I put drops in her eyes”

]]> http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-irish-doctor-and-the-horney-patient/feed 0 Joke of the Day: The Irishman and his Brothers http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-irishman-and-his-brothers http://slay.me/joke-of-the-day/the-irishman-and-his-brothers#comments Sun, 31 May 2009 14:00:42 +0000 jokes http://slay.me/?p=200 Slay.me Joke of the DayAn Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

 

When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

 

The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, it would taste better if you bought one at a time.”

 

The Irishman replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I’m here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.”

 

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

 

The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.

 

One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent.

 

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.”

 

The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. “Oh, no,” he, says, “everyone’s fine. I’ve just quit drinking.”

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