Slay.me

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of  breath he asked, ‘Please, may I hide under your skirt.  I’ll explain later.’

The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked,   Sister, have you seen a soldier?’

The nun replied, ‘He went that way.’

After the MP’s ran off, the soldier  crawled out from under her skirt and said, ‘I can’t thank you enough   Sister. You see, I don’t want to go to Iraq ….’

The nun said, ‘I understand completely.’

The soldier added, ‘I hope I’m not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!’

The nun replied,  ‘If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair  of balls….I don’t want to go to Iraq  either !!

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.

At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be.

The first nun says, I want to be Sophia Loren and *poof* she’s gone.

The second says, I want to be Madonna and *poof* she’s gone.

The third says, I want to be Sara Pipalini..

St. Peter looks perplexed. Who? he asked.

Sara Pipalini, replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says, I’m sorry, but that name just doesn’t ring a bell. The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.

St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says, No Sister, the paper says it was the ‘ Sahara Pipeline’ that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months.

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.

After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke. ‘Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim.’

‘I know, Father. In fact, I don’t think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two..’

‘I agree,’ says the Father. ‘Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?’

‘Anything, Father.’

‘I have never seen a woman’s breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours.’

‘Well, under the circumstances I don’t see that it would do any harm.’

The Nun opened her habit and the Priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.

‘Sister, would you mind if I touched them?’…

She consented and he fondled them for several minutes..

‘Father, could I ask something of you?’

‘Yes, Sister?’

‘I have never seen a man’s penis. Could I see yours?’

‘I suppose that would be OK,’ the Priest replied lifting his robe.

‘Oh Father, may I touch it?’

The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.

‘Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can Give Life.’

‘Is that true Father?’

‘Yes, it is, Sister.’

‘Oh Father, that’s wonderful … Stick it in the camel and let’s get the hell out of here!’