Slay.me

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.

She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.

She read. ‘And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: ‘Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?’

The teacher paused then asked the class: ‘And what do you think the man said?’

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly…

‘I think the man would have said – ‘I’ll be a son of a bitch!! A talking pig!’

A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade.

The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk!

You need to use ‘Big People’ words,’  she was always reminding them.

She asked John what he had done over  the weekend?

‘I went to visit my Nana’.

No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER.

Use ‘Big People’  words!’

She then asked Mitchell what he had done

‘I took a ride on a choo-choo’.

She said. ‘No, you took a ride on a TRAIN.

You must remember to use  ‘Big People’ words’.

She then asked little Alex what he had done?

‘I read a book’ he replied.

That’s  WONDERFUL!’ the teacher said.

‘What book did you read?’

Alex thought real hard about it,

then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said,

‘Winnie the SHIT’

Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, everyone else in the class laughed.

My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love
animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she’d asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make
them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal’s office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.

I told her, “Colonel Sanders”.

Guess where I am now…