Slay.me

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome, Italy.

One has a Cross in front of him; the other one is holding the Star of David.

Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.

The Pope comes by. He stops to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar who holds the Cross while none give to the beggar holding the Star of David.

Finally, the Pope approaches the beggar with the Star of David and says, “My poor fellow, don’t you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren’t going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you’re sitting beside a beggar who is holding a Cross. In fact, they would probably give more money to him just out of spite.”

The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, and turned to the beggar with the Cross and said, “Moishe, would you look who’s trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing!”

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher, and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette.  They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn’t really all that hard – a real challenge would be to preach to a bear.  One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.  Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experience.

Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.  ‘Well,’ he said, ‘I went into the woods to find me a bear.  And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism.  Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a
lamb.  The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next.. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip.  In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he claimed, ‘WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don’t sprinkle!  I went out and I FOUND me a bear.  And then I began to read to my bear from God’s HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.  So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle.  We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek.  So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul.  And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb..We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus…Hallelujah!

The priest and the reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.  The Rabbi looked up and said: “Looking back on it, …….circumcision may not have been the best way to start.”

Abie and Sadie had a religious goods store on Delancey Street on the lower east side of NYC. The neighborhood was changing. The Jews were moving to Westchester and the Hispanics were moving in.

“Abie, we have to move to Westchester ,” said Sadie.

“We can’t”, said Abie. “This neighborhood is our life. We’ve been here for thirty-three years. Maybe we can start stocking Catholic articles too.”

Sadie says, What? Catholic articles? Bistu in gantzen meshuggeh? We’re Jews. No Catholic articles!!!”

Well, a month passed and they sold nothing but two tallisim, three mezzuzahs and one set of tefillin. Now was the time to fish or cut bait. Sadie agreed that they had to stock Catholic articles, so she said to Abie, “OK, call that Catholic supply house on Park Avenue .”

Abie: “Hello, Catholic Supply House on Park Avenue ? This is Abie And Sadie’s on Delancey Street . I want 100 autographed pictures of the Pope, 200 of those beads – what do you call them, rosaries? 500 crucifixes… and I need those things here tomorrow.”

“OK, Sir. I got your order. Let me read it back. 100 autographed pictures of the Pope, 200 sets of rosaries and 500 crucifixes. But, tomorrow we don’t deliver… …it’s Shabbos.”