Slay.me

All women should live so long as to be this kind of old lady!

Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, “How many of you have forgiven your enemies?”

80% held up their hands.

The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.

“Mrs. Neely, Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”

“I don’t have any”, she replied, smiling sweetly.

“Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?”

“Ninety-eight”, she replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.

“Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?”

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said, “I outlived the bitches”.

A woman in her fifties is at home, unclothed, happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight.

Her husband watches her for a while and asks, ‘Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What’s the matter with you?’

The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, ‘I don’t care what you think. I just came from having a mammogram, and the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year-old.

The husband replies, ‘What did he say about your 55-year old ass?’

‘Your name never came up,’ she replied.

At a Sandals resort, a fellow walks up to an older fellow who is sitting in the sun, sipping iced tea.

Younger guy says – “Hey, you gonna just sit around all day? How about it if you join me for a round of golf.”

“Nah,” the older fellow replies, “tried it once, didn’t like it.”

“Well then,” younger fellow asks “how about a swim? It might be just as refreshing as your iced tea there.”

“Nah,” the older fellow responds, “tried it once, didn’t like it. But if you’re game for tennis, my son will be here soon and is usually up for a game or two – you might want to play with him.”

Younger fellow replies: “Your only child I presume?”