Archive for the ‘Adultry Jokes’ Category

23
Jan

My Harley Accident

While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost
control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head. Dazed and
confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a
shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked,

“Are you okay?” As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut
blouse with cleavage to die for.

“I’m okay I think,” I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the
car to get a closer look.

She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage
that nasty scrape on your head.”

“That’s nice of you,” I answered, “but I don’t think my wife will like
me doing that!”

“Oh, come now, I’m a nurse,” she insisted. “I need to see if you have
any more scrapes and then treat them properly.”

Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken
and weak, I agreed, but repeated, “I’m sure my wife won’t like this.”

We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a
couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, “I
feel a lot better but I know my wife is going to be really upset so
I’d better go now.”

“Don’t be silly!” she said with a smile. “Stay for a while. She won’t
know anything. By the way, where is she?”

“Still in the ditch with the Harley, I guess.”

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28
Sep

The Overturned Golf Cart

Slay.me Joke of the DayOne afternoon Howard accidentally overturned his golf cart.

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a condo on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, “Are you okay, what’s your name?”

“It’s Howard, and I’m okay, thanks,” he replied.

“Howard, forget your troubles. Come up to my condo and rest for awhile, and I’ll help you get the cart up later.”

“That’s mighty nice of you,” he answered, “but I don’t think my wife would like it.”

“Oh, come on,” Elizabeth insisted. She was very pretty, very sexy and so persuasive and Howard was weak.

“Well okay,” he finally agreed, and added, “but my wife. won’t like it.”

After a glass of scotch, and some very creative putting lessons demonstrated by Elizabeth, he thanked his host. “I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset.”

“Don’t be silly!” Elizabeth said with a smile, “She won’t know anything. By the way, where is she?”

“Probably still under the cart!” Howard said.

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25
Jun

Slay.me Joke of the DayRing, Ring…  Hello?”

Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?”

“No, Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.

After a brief pause,

Daddy says, “But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Paul.”

“Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now.”

Brief pause

“Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.  Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy,that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.

“Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.”

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.

“I did it, Daddy.”

“And what happened, honey?” He asked.

“Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and  ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”

“Oh my God!!!  What about your Uncle Paul?”

“He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.  He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool.  But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water
last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.”

Long Pause

Longer Pause

Even Longer Pause

Then Daddy says,

“Swimming pool? …………

is this “486-5731?”

No, I think you have the wrong number…….