Archive for the ‘Southerners Jokes’ Category

02
Sep

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a southerner, a New Englander, and a Californian) an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovakian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a  Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani,an Amish, a Romanian, a Chilean, an Eskimo, a Kyrgyzstani, a Jamaican, a Filipino,
a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 47 Africans

walk into a fine restaurant….

The maître d’ scrutinizes the group one by one and bars their entrance saying:

“Sorry, you can’t come in here without a Thai.”

06
Oct

Slay.me Joke of the DayA man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane..

He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat .. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his..

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”

She turned, smiled and said,  “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston  ”

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going  to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his  composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your business role at this convention?”

“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”

“Really?” he said. “And what kind of  myths are there?”

“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”

Suddenly the woman  became a little uncomfortable and blushed. “I’m sorry,” she said, “I  shouldn’t really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name..”

“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba.

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22
May

Slay.me Joke of the DaySoutherners have the lowest stress rate because they do not take medical terminology seriously.

You are going to die anyway, so live life.

They also try to avoid natural foods as most people die from natural diseases, and deep frying will kill all the germs.

So here it is!

The Southerner’s Medical Dictionary

Artery………………………. The study of paintings
Bacteria……………………. Back door to cafeteria
Barium……………………… What doctors do when patients die
Benign……………………… What you be, after you be eight
Cesarean Section…… A neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan………………….. Searching for Kitty
Cauterize…………………. Made eye contact with her
Colic…………………………A sheep dog
Coma………………………. A punctuation mark
Dilate………………………. To live long
Enema………………………Not a friend
Fester……………………… Quicker than someone else
Fibula……………………… A small lie
Impotent…………………..Distinguished, well known
Labor Pain…………….. Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff…………… A Doctor’s cane
Morbid……………………… A higher offer
Nitrates……………………. Cheaper than day rates
Node………………………… I knew it
Outpatient………………… A person who has fainted
Pelvis…………….. ………. Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative………… A letter carrier
Recovery Room………. Place to do upholstery
Rectum……………………. Damn near killed him
Secretion…………………. Hiding something
Seizure…………………… Roman emperor
Tablet……………………… A small table
Terminal Illness………. Getting sick at the airport
Tumor……………………… One plus one more
Urine………………………. Opposite of you’re out

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