The Redneck went to the hospital As his wife was having a baby. Upon arriving, the nurse says “Congratulations, your wife has had quints, 5 big baby boys.”
The Redneck says, “I’m not surprised, I have a penis on me like a chimney.”
The nurse replies, “You might want to consider getting it cleaned. The babies are all black.”
Susie Lee done fell in love;
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy ’bout it all
She told her Pappy so.
Pappy told her, “Susie gal,
You’ll have to find another.
I’d just as soon yo’ Ma don’t know,
But Joe is yo’ half brother”
So Susie put aside her Joe
And planned to marry Will.
But after telling Pappy this,
He said, “There’s trouble still…
You can’t marry Will, my gal,
And please don’t tell your Mother,
But Will and Joe and several mo’
I know is yo’ half brother”
But Mama knew and said, “My child,
Just do what makes you happy.
Marry Will or marry Joe
You ain’t no kin to Pappy.
After their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.
So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn’t want to have any more children..
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive.
‘A less costly alternative, ‘ said the doctor, ‘is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in redneck country) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.’
The redneck said to the doctor, ‘I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me..’
‘Trust me,’ said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!
’1′
’2′
’3′
’4′
’5′
At which point, he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand..
This procedure works in Texas, Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas, Missouri, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, and West Virginia .