Slay.me

A drunk woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York City. The taxi driver, who happened to be an old Jewish man, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab.

She said to him, “What’s wrong with you honey? Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?”

The old man said “Lady, I’m not staring at you, I am telling you, det vould not be proper vair I come from”.

She said, “Well, if you’re not staring at my boobs sweetie, what are you doing then?”

He said, “Vell, I am looking and I’m looking, and I am tinking to myself, vair in da hell is dis lady keeping de money to pay for dis ride?”

A husband walks into Victoria’s Secret Store to purchase a negligee for his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price — the more sheer, the higher the price.

Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

Upstairs the wife thinks (she’s no dummy), ‘I have an idea, it’s so sheer that it might as well be nothing.

I won’t put it on, but I’ll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refunded for myself.

‘ She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose and another, then another…..

The husband says, ‘Good Grief! “You’d think for $500, they’d at least iron it!’

He never heard the shot.

Funeral on Thursday at Noon.

Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a  flower show was in progress.

The thin one leaned over and said, ‘Life is  so boring. We never have any fun any more.

For $10 I’d take my clothes off and  streak through that stupid flower  show!’

‘You’re on!’ said the other old lady, holding  up a $10 bill.

The first little old lady slowly fumbled her way  out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked (as  fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the flower show.

Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud  applause and shrill whistling.

Finally, the smiling and naked old lady came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering crowd.

‘What happened?’ asked her waiting friend.

‘I won 1st prize as ‘Best Dried Arrangement’.