Posts Tagged ‘priest’
09
Jan

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.

After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke. ‘Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim.’

‘I know, Father. In fact, I don’t think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two..’

‘I agree,’ says the Father. ‘Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?’

‘Anything, Father.’

‘I have never seen a woman’s breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours.’

‘Well, under the circumstances I don’t see that it would do any harm.’

The Nun opened her habit and the Priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.

‘Sister, would you mind if I touched them?’…

She consented and he fondled them for several minutes..

‘Father, could I ask something of you?’

‘Yes, Sister?’

‘I have never seen a man’s penis. Could I see yours?’

‘I suppose that would be OK,’ the Priest replied lifting his robe.

‘Oh Father, may I touch it?’

The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.

‘Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can Give Life.’

‘Is that true Father?’

‘Yes, it is, Sister.’

‘Oh Father, that’s wonderful … Stick it in the camel and let’s get the hell out of here!’

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04
Nov

A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.

After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked,

“Is it still requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?’

The rabbi responded, “Yes, that is still one of our laws.”

The priest then asked, “Have you ever eaten pork?”

To which the rabbi replied,

“Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich.”

The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.

A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest,

“Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?”

The priest replied, “Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.”

The rabbi then asked him, “Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?”

The priest replied, “Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke my Faith.”

The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes.

Finally, the rabbi said,

“Beats the shit out of a ham sandwich, doesn’t it?”

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29
Sep

Three Irishmen were sitting in the pub window seat, watching the front door of the brothel across the road. The local Methodist vicar appeared at the brothel door and quickly went inside. “Wouldja look at that!” said the first Irishman. “Didn’t I always say what a bunch a hypocrites they are?”

No sooner were the words out of his mouth than a Rabbi appeared at the door, knocked, and went inside. “Another one tryin’ to fool everyone with pious preachin’ and stupid hats!” said the second Irishman.

The three continued drinking their beers, roundly condemning the vicar and the rabbi. Then they saw their own Catholic priest knock on the brothel door. “Ah, now dat’s sad,” said the third Irishman. “One a the gerls musta died.”

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