Archive for the ‘Shopping Jokes’ Category

04
Nov

After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day. Here’s what happened:

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly, “Good morning and welcome to Walmart.”

I then said, “Nice children you have there. Are they twins?”

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, “Don’t be f**ing stupid. Of course they aren’t twins. The oldest one’s 9, and the other one’ s 7. Why the hell would you think they’re twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?”

I replied, “I’m neither blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn’t believe someone f**ked you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Walmart.”

My Supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work.

By: Roger Banner

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27
Sep

One day, a blonde walked into a store. She examined some of the items on the shelves before walking over to the store owner and saying: “I’d like to buy that TV, please.” The man replied, “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell to blondes.” So, that night, she goes home and dies her hair brown. She goes back to the store the next day, and walks up to the owner, saying “I would like to buy that TV, please.” The man once again replied, “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell to blondes.” Frustrated, she went home, died all her hair black, then came back to the store, and said: “I would like to buy that TV.” The owner of the store replied in a slightly amused voice, “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell to blondes.” At the end of her limit, the blonde cut all of her hair off, went to the store, and said, “I’d like to buy that TV.” The man said, “We don’t sell to blondes.” The blonde, extremely frustrated, said, “How do you even know I’m a blonde?!” The man replied, in a calm voice: “For starters that’s not a TV, that’s a microwave.”

By: Tom Bennington

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02
Jul

There was a bit of confusion at the store this morning.  When I was ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier said, “Strip down, facing me.”

Making a mental note to complain to my congressman about Homeland Security running amok, I did just as she had instructed.  When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to my credit card.

I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.

They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer!

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