Slay.me

A  nun, badly needing to use to the restroom,  walked into a local Hooters. The place was  hopping with music and loud conversation and  every once in a while ‘the lights would turn  off.’

Each time the lights would go out,  the place would erupt into  cheers.

However, when the revelers saw  the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked  up to the bartender, and asked, ‘May I please  use the  restroom?

The  bartender replied, ‘OK, but I should warn you  that there is a statue of a naked man in there  wearing only a fig leaf.’

‘Well, in  that case, I’ll just look the other way,’ said  the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the  back of the restaurant.

After a few  minutes, she came back out, and the whole place   stopped just long enough to give the nun a  loud round of  applause.

She  went to the bartender and said, ‘Sir, I don’t  understand. Why did they applaud for me just  because I went to the  restroom?’

Well,  now they know you’re one of us,’ said the  bartender, ‘Would you like a drink?’

‘No  thank you, but, I still don’t understand,’ said  the puzzled  nun.

‘You see,’ laughed  the bartender, ‘every time someone lifts the   fig leaf on that statue, the lights  go out.

Now, how about that  drink?’

The Reverend John Fluff was the pastor in a small town in Ireland. One day he was walking down the high street when he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer. The Reverend wasn’t happy!

He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman.

“Miss Fitzgerald,” he said sternly – “This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don’t you let me take you home?”

“Sure!” she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.

When Miss Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth.. The Reverend realized that she’d had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After a few moments, the Reverend wound up on top of Miss Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.

The pub barkeep looked over and said, “Oy mate, we won’t have any of that carrying on in this pub.”

The Reverend looked up at the landlord and said, “But you don’t understand. I’m Pastor Fluff.”

The barkeep said, “Ah well, if you’re that far in, ye might as well finish.”

Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.

It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.

On that special day, they’d each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Paddy’s 18th birthday came ’round, he and his pal Mick took a boat out to the middle of the lake.  Paddy stepped out of the boat … and nearly drowned!

Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.

Confused as well as furious, Paddy went to see his grandmother.

‘Grandma,’ he asked, “It’s my 18th birthday, so why can’t I walk ‘cross the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?”

Granny looked into Paddy’s troubled brown eyes and said, “That would be because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is frozen.  You were born in August, you idiot.