Archive for the ‘Bar Jokes’ Category

17
Feb

Beer Drinking Men

WOMAN:    DO YOU DRINK BEER?

MAN:    YES

WOMAN  :     HOW MANY BEERS A DAY?

MAN:    USUALLY ABOUT THREE

WOMAN:    HOW MUCH DO YOU PAY PER BEER?

MAN:    $5.00 WHICH INCLUDES A TIP (THIS IS WHERE IT GETS SCARY!)

WOMAN:    AND HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING?

MAN:    ABOUT 20 YEARS, I SUPPOSE

WOMAN:    SO A BEER COSTS $5 AND YOU HAVE THREE BEERS A DAY WHICH PUTS YOUR   SPENDING EACH MONTH AT $450.    IN ONE YEAR, IT WOULD BE APPROXIMATELY $5400 CORRECT?

MAN:    CORRECT

WOMAN:    IF IN 1 YEAR YOU SPEND $5400, NOT ACCOUNTING FOR INFLATION,  THE  PAST 20 YEARS PUTS YOUR SPENDING AT $108,000 CORRECT?

MAN:    CORRECT

WOMAN:    DO YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU DIDN’T DRINK SO MUCH BEER, THAT MONEY   COULD HAVE BEEN PUT IN A STEP-UP INTEREST SAVINGS ACCOUNT AND AFTER ACCOUNTING FOR COMPOUND INTEREST FOR THE PAST 20 YEARS, YOU COULD HAVE NOW BOUGHT AN AIRPLANE?

MAN:    DO YOU DRINK BEER?

WOMAN:    NO.

MAN:    WHERE IS YOUR AIRPLANE?

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07
Feb

The Homeless Man’s Drinking, Sex and Golf Joke

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?”

“No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless man replied.

“Will you spend it on a hooker.”

Are you crazy, gave it up years ago. Look at me, no one would have sex with me.”

“Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?” the man asked.

“Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless man. “I haven’t played golf in 20 years!”

“Well,” said the man, “I’m not going to give you money. Instead, I’m going to take you home for a hot shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.”

The homeless man was astounded.

“Won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that?

The man replied, “That’s okay. It’s important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, sex and golf.”

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14
Apr

The Bear and the Bar Bitch

confused-bearA bear goes into a bar, he sits down and immediately mauls to death and devours the woman on the stool next to him. he then calmly orders a beer.

The bartender says, “sorry, we don’t serve drug users in here”.

“but I don’t do drugs”

“what about that barbitchyouate”

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