Slay.me

One Christmas, Santa was having a really bad day. The local elves union was up in arms over their contract and were threatening a walk-out. Mrs. Clause was pissed that Santa was never around to appreciate all of the hard work she had been doing around the house. Santa decided he needed to go home, sit in front of a fire and relax.

When he got there, Miss Clause was all up in his face and wouldn’t let down. Then, there was a knock on the door. It was Rudolph. He said the reindeer were sick and tired of Santa not upgrading to the new lightweight sliegh and they were joining the elves walkout. Santa slammed the door and threatend “The next person who knocks on that door is gonna get it!”

At that time, there was a knock on the door. Santa flung the door open and there stood a tiny little angel. The angel had been searching for the perfect Christmas tree for Santa’s house all day long, until it found the perfect one. The little angel asked, “Santa, I was wondering where you would like me to stick this tree?”

And that is the story of how the angel atop the tree tradition began

Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the house
everyone felt shitty
even the mouse,

Mom at the whorehouse
and dad smoking grass
I’d just settled down
for a nice piece of ass,

When out on the lawn
I heard such a clatter
I sprung from my peice
to see what was the matter,

Then out on the lawn
I saw a big dick
I knew in a moment
it must be St. Nick,

He came down the chimney
like a bat out of hell
I knew in a moment
the fucker had fell,

He filled all our stockings
with pretzels and beer
and a big rubber dick
for my brother,the queer,

He rose up the chimney
with a thunerous fart
the son of a bitch
blew the chimney apart,

He swore and he cursed
as he rode out of sight
Piss on you all
and have a hell of a night!