Archive for the ‘Animal Jokes’ Category

31
Aug

The Frog and the Bank Manager Joke

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

“Miss Whack, I’d like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.”

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it’s okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, “Sure. I have this,” and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she’ll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, “There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.” She holds up the tiny pink elephant. “I mean, what in the world is this?”

(You’re gonna love this.)

The bank manager looks back at her and says, “It’s a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone.”

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14
Apr

The Bear and the Bar Bitch

confused-bearA bear goes into a bar, he sits down and immediately mauls to death and devours the woman on the stool next to him. he then calmly orders a beer.

The bartender says, “sorry, we don’t serve drug users in here”.

“but I don’t do drugs”

“what about that barbitchyouate”

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16
Nov

The Duck Dog Joke

Joke of the DayGlenn sent his dog out to see if there were any ducks in the pond. “If there aren’t many ducks out there, I’m not going hunting”

The dog comes back and barks twice. Glenn says “Well, I’m not going to go  out. He only saw two ducks out there”.

Earl says “You’re going to take the dog’s barks for the truth?” Earl doesn’t believe it, so he goes to look for himself.  When he gets back he says “I don’t believe it. There really are only two ducks out there!  Where did you get that dog?”

Glenn says “Well, I got him from the breeder up the road.  If you want one, you can get one from him”.

So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Glenn has. The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks.  Minutes later the dog returns shaking its head with a stick in its mouth, and starts humping Earl’s leg.  Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says “This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!”

The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back shaking its head with a stick in its mouth, and started humping his leg.

The breeder says “Earl, dogs can’t talk. He was trying to tell you there are more fucking ducks out there than you can shake a stick at.

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