Archive for the ‘Animal Jokes’ Category

14
Apr

confused-bearA bear goes into a bar, he sits down and immediately mauls to death and devours the woman on the stool next to him. he then calmly orders a beer.

The bartender says, “sorry, we don’t serve drug users in here”.

“but I don’t do drugs”

“what about that barbitchyouate”

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16
Nov

Joke of the DayGlenn sent his dog out to see if there were any ducks in the pond. “If there aren’t many ducks out there, I’m not going hunting”

The dog comes back and barks twice. Glenn says “Well, I’m not going to go  out. He only saw two ducks out there”.

Earl says “You’re going to take the dog’s barks for the truth?” Earl doesn’t believe it, so he goes to look for himself.  When he gets back he says “I don’t believe it. There really are only two ducks out there!  Where did you get that dog?”

Glenn says “Well, I got him from the breeder up the road.  If you want one, you can get one from him”.

So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Glenn has. The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks.  Minutes later the dog returns shaking its head with a stick in its mouth, and starts humping Earl’s leg.  Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says “This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!”

The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back shaking its head with a stick in its mouth, and started humping his leg.

The breeder says “Earl, dogs can’t talk. He was trying to tell you there are more fucking ducks out there than you can shake a stick at.

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01
Apr

Joke of the DayThe only cow in a small town in Poland stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from Moscow for 2,000 rubles, or one from Minsk for 1,000 rubles. Being frugal, they bought the cow from Minsk.

The cow was wonderful.. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it.. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask their wise rabbi, what to do. They told the rabbi what was happening. “Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward.

When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side.”

The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked, “Did you buy this cow from Minsk?”

The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow.

“You are truly a wise rabbi,” they said. “How did you know we got the cow from Minsk?”

The rabbi answered sadly, “My wife is from Minsk.”

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