Archive for the ‘Farm Jokes’ Category

09
Jul

Slay.me Joke of the DayFarmer John once lived on a quiet rural highway but as time went  by, the traffic slowly built up and eventually got so heavy and so fast that  his free range chickens were being run over, at a rate of three to six a  week.

So Farmer John called the local police station to complain,  “You’ve got to do something about all these people driving so fast and killing  all my chickens,” he said to the local police officer.

“What do you  want me to do?” asked the policeman.

“I don’t care, just do something  about those crazy drivers!”

So the next day the policeman had the Council erect a sign that said:

SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later Farmer John called the  policeman and said, “You’ve still got to do something about these drivers. The  school crossing’ sign seems to make them go even faster!”

So again, they put up a new  sign:

SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY.

That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and said, “Your  signs are no good Can I put up my own  sign?”

In order to get him off his back the policeman said, “Sure. Put up  your own sign.”

The phone calls to the Police Station stopped, but curiosity got the better of the Officer, so he called Farmer John

“How is the problem with the speeding drivers? Did you put up your sign?”

“Oh, I sure did and not one chicken has been  killed.”

The policeman was really curious and thought he’d better go out and take a look at the sign. He also thought the sign might be something the Police could use elsewhere, to slow drivers  down..

So he drove out to Farmer John’s  house.

His jaw dropped the moment he saw the  sign.

‘NUDIST COLONY’

‘Slow down and watch out for chicks!

17
Aug

Slay.me Joke of the DayAn elderly man in Florida owned a large farm. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange and lime trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave!”

He frowned, “I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.”

Holding the bucket up, he said, “I’m here to feed the alligator.”

Some old men can still think fast.

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09
Jul

A  chicken farmer went to a local bar…. Sat next  to a woman and ordered a glass of  champagne..

The woman perks up and says,  ‘How about that ??      I just ordered a glass of  champagne, too !!’

‘What a coincidence’ the  farmer says. ‘This is a special day for me…. I  am celebrating’

‘This is a special day  for me too, I am also celebrating !!’  says the woman.

‘What a coincidence !!’ says the  farmer.      As they clinked glasses the man asked,  ‘What are you celebrating ??’

‘My husband  and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant !!’

‘What a coincidence,’ says the  man. ‘I’m a chicken farmer and for years all of  my hens were infertile, but today they are all  laying fertilized eggs.’

‘That’s great!’  says the woman. ‘How did your chickens become  fertile ??’

‘I used a different cock,’ he  replied.

The woman smiled and said, ‘What  a coincidence.’

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