Archive for the ‘Farm Jokes’ Category

10
Apr

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.

She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand…

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching..

For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher’s widow said to the hired hand, “You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels.”

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

One o’clock came, however, and he didn’t return.

Two o’clock and no hired hand.

Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher’s widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her..

“Unbutton my blouse and take it off,” she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed. “Now take off my boots.”

He did as she asked, ever so slowly..

“Now take off my socks.”

He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

“Now take off my skirt.”

He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

“Now take off my bra..”

Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said,

“If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you’re fired.”

 

, , ,

09
Jul

Slay.me Joke of the DayFarmer John once lived on a quiet rural highway but as time went  by, the traffic slowly built up and eventually got so heavy and so fast that  his free range chickens were being run over, at a rate of three to six a  week.

So Farmer John called the local police station to complain,  “You’ve got to do something about all these people driving so fast and killing  all my chickens,” he said to the local police officer.

“What do you  want me to do?” asked the policeman.

“I don’t care, just do something  about those crazy drivers!”

So the next day the policeman had the Council erect a sign that said:

SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later Farmer John called the  policeman and said, “You’ve still got to do something about these drivers. The  school crossing’ sign seems to make them go even faster!”

So again, they put up a new  sign:

SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY.

That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and said, “Your  signs are no good Can I put up my own  sign?”

In order to get him off his back the policeman said, “Sure. Put up  your own sign.”

The phone calls to the Police Station stopped, but curiosity got the better of the Officer, so he called Farmer John

“How is the problem with the speeding drivers? Did you put up your sign?”

“Oh, I sure did and not one chicken has been  killed.”

The policeman was really curious and thought he’d better go out and take a look at the sign. He also thought the sign might be something the Police could use elsewhere, to slow drivers  down..

So he drove out to Farmer John’s  house.

His jaw dropped the moment he saw the  sign.

‘NUDIST COLONY’

‘Slow down and watch out for chicks!

17
Aug

Slay.me Joke of the DayAn elderly man in Florida owned a large farm. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange and lime trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave!”

He frowned, “I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.”

Holding the bucket up, he said, “I’m here to feed the alligator.”

Some old men can still think fast.

, , ,