Archive for the ‘Old People Jokes’ Category

17
Oct

40 Years of Marriage

A couple in their early 60s are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. 

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.

She said, ‘For being such an exemplary married  couple and for being loving to each other for
all this time, I will grant you each a wish.’

The wife answered, ‘Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.’ 

The fairy waved her magic wand and – poof! – two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: ‘Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this may never come again. I’m
sorry, honey, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.’ 

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish!

So the fairy waved her magic wand and….poof!

The husband became 92 years old.

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07
Feb

The Homeless Man’s Drinking, Sex and Golf Joke

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?”

“No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless man replied.

“Will you spend it on a hooker.”

Are you crazy, gave it up years ago. Look at me, no one would have sex with me.”

“Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?” the man asked.

“Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless man. “I haven’t played golf in 20 years!”

“Well,” said the man, “I’m not going to give you money. Instead, I’m going to take you home for a hot shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.”

The homeless man was astounded.

“Won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that?

The man replied, “That’s okay. It’s important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, sex and golf.”

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31
Oct

Getting Old Isn’t for Wimps

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man Walking with his legs spread apart. 

He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.

One student said to his friend: 

“I’m sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that.”

The other student says: 

“No, I don’t think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class.”

Since they couldn’t agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him And one of the students said to him, 

“We’re medical students and couldn’t help But notice the way you walk, but we couldn’t agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?”

The old man said, 

“I’ll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think.” 

The first student said, “I think it’s Peltry Syndrome.”

The old man said, “You thought – but you are wrong.”


The other student said, “I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome.”

The old man said, “You thought – but you are wrong.”


So they asked him, “Well, old timer, what do you have?”

The old man said, ” Well, I thought it was GAS – but I was wrong, too!”

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