Posts Tagged ‘farmer’

Quick Thinking Farmer and the Skinny Dippers Joke of the DayAn elderly man in Florida owned a large farm. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange and lime trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave!”

He frowned, “I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.”

Holding the bucket up, he said, “I’m here to feed the alligator.”

Some old men can still think fast.

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A  chicken farmer went to a local bar…. Sat next  to a woman and ordered a glass of  champagne..

The woman perks up and says,  ‘How about that ??      I just ordered a glass of  champagne, too !!’

‘What a coincidence’ the  farmer says. ‘This is a special day for me…. I  am celebrating’

‘This is a special day  for me too, I am also celebrating !!’  says the woman.

‘What a coincidence !!’ says the  farmer.      As they clinked glasses the man asked,  ‘What are you celebrating ??’

‘My husband  and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant !!’

‘What a coincidence,’ says the  man. ‘I’m a chicken farmer and for years all of  my hens were infertile, but today they are all  laying fertilized eggs.’

‘That’s great!’  says the woman. ‘How did your chickens become  fertile ??’

‘I used a different cock,’ he  replied.

The woman smiled and said, ‘What  a coincidence.’

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The Old Man and the Cow Joke of the DayAn old man was sitting at a bar on a nice beautiful day looking kinda upset when two younger people noticed him there and went over to him

“Whats wrong“ one of the young guys asked

the old man simply replied “Some things you cant explain“ and continued drinking

the 2nd young guy asks “well why are sitting in here instead of enjoying this beautiful day“

the old man says “well i was out milking my cow today and just when i got the bucket full she takes her back left leg and knocks it over, so i tie her leg to a post and tried again“

the young guys then say “well that doesnt sound to bad, you should go enjoy the rest of today“

the old man continues “well i got the bucket full again and i’ll be darned she knocks it over with her back right leg, so i tie that one to a post and try again“

the two young guys tell the old man “well that must suck“

“let me finish“ the old man says “so i get the bucket full again and the stupid cow knocks it over with her tail, i couldnt find anything to tie down her tail so i took my belt off and lifted her tail to tie it, then my pants fell down as soon as my wife walked outside and well some things you just ca’nt explain.

Submitted by Matt – Thanks Matt!

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