07
Apr

Donald Trump goes on a fact-finding visit to Israel.

While on a tour of Jerusalem he suffers a heart attack and dies.

The undertaker tells theAmerican diplomats accompanying him,

“You can have him shipped home for $50,000, or you can bury him here,
in the Holy Land, for just $100.”

The American diplomats go into a corner to discuss it for a few minutes.

They return and tell him they want Donald Trump shipped home.

Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump gestures and declares “You’re fired!” at a rally in Manchester, New Hampshire, June 17, 2015. REUTERS/Dominick Reuter TPX IMAGES OF THE DAY – RTX1GZCO

The undertaker is puzzled and asks, “Why would you spend $50,000 to
ship him home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you
would spend only $100?”

The American diplomats reply, “Long ago a man died here, was buried
here, and three days later he rose from the dead. We can’t take that chance.

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30
Mar

“Nurse,”‘ he mumbles from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?”

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.”

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,

“Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very, closely:

“Are – my – test -results-back?

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