22
Jun

Joke of the Day

Fred and Larry got married in California. They couldn’t afford a honeymoon so, they go back to Fred’s Mom and Dad’s house for their first married night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred’s little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Larry are up yet.

She replies, “No.”

Johnny asks, “Do you know what I think?”

His mom replies, “I don’t want to hear what you think! Just go to school.”

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, “Are Fred and Larry up yet?”

She replies, “No.”

Johnny says, “Do you know what I think?

His mom replies, “Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school.”

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, “Are Fred and Larry up yet?”

His mom says, “No.”

He asks, “Do you know what I think?”

His mom replies, “OK, now tell me what you think.”

He says: “Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think…… I gave him my airplane glue.”

22
Apr

Quarantine Daily Log


Day 1 – I Can Do This!! Got enough food and wine to last a month!

Day 2 – Opening my 8th bottle of Wine. I fear wine supplies might not last.

Day 3 – Strawberries: Some have 210 seeds, some have 235 seeds. Who knew??

Day 4 – 8:00pm. Removed my Day Pajamas and put on my Night Pajamas.

Day 5 – Today, I tried to make Hand Sanitizer. It came out as Jello Shots!!

Day 6 – I get to take the Garbage out. I’m sooo excited, I can’t decide what to wear.

Day 7 – Laughing way too much at my own jokes!!

Day 8 – Went to a new restaurant called “The Kitchen.” You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.

Day 9 – I put liquor bottles in every room. Tonight, I’m getting all dressed up and going bar hopping.

Day 10 – Struck up a conversation with a spider today. Seems nice. He’s a Web Designer.

Day 11 – Isolation is hard. I swear my fridge just said, “What the hell do you want now?”

Day 12 – I realized why dogs get so excited about something moving outside, going for walks or car rides. I think I just barked at a squirrel.

Day 13 – If you keep a glass of wine in each hand, you can’t accidently touch your face.

Day 14 – Watched the birds fight over a worm. The Cardinals led the Blue Jays 3–1.

Day 15 – Anybody else feel like they’ve cooked dinner about 395 times this month?

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07
Apr

Donald Trump Dies in the Holy Land


Donald Trump goes on a fact-finding visit to Israel.

While on a tour of Jerusalem he suffers a heart attack and dies.

The undertaker tells theAmerican diplomats accompanying him,

“You can have him shipped home for $50,000, or you can bury him here,
in the Holy Land, for just $100.”

The American diplomats go into a corner to discuss it for a few minutes.

They return and tell him they want Donald Trump shipped home.

Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump gestures and declares “You’re fired!” at a rally in Manchester, New Hampshire, June 17, 2015. REUTERS/Dominick Reuter TPX IMAGES OF THE DAY – RTX1GZCO

The undertaker is puzzled and asks, “Why would you spend $50,000 to
ship him home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you
would spend only $100?”

The American diplomats reply, “Long ago a man died here, was buried
here, and three days later he rose from the dead. We can’t take that chance.

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