24
Oct

Joke of the DayA Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00

His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place.

It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, “Ask him where the money is!”

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where’s the money?

Guido signs back, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

The lawyer tells the Godfather, “He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido’s head and says, “Ask him again or I’ll kill him!”

The lawyer signs to Guido, “He’ll kill you if you don’t tell him.”

Guido trembles and signs, “OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno’s house.

The Godfather asks the lawyer : “What did he say?”

The lawyer replies : “He says you don’t have the balls to pull the trigger.”

Don’t you just love lawyers?

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21
Oct

Today, a friend of mine’s wife said to him, “Honey, get off your ass and fix that gutter downspout!

And, I want it done before the end of the day!”

Well, as you all know, at my age, my  friend, and most our age, are retired and do have the time to address such “Honey do’s”..

So, he invited some of us neighborhood buddies over to help with the project. One is a sheet metal  fabricator. One brought his welder. One brought beer and Nachos. One brought a grill and burgers. Took us about 4-6 hours, and  30-40 beers, but we got it done just as we finished off the last of the burgers.

As usual, the wife is still not happy! Can’t understand, cause all us guys love it!

Personally, I can’t wait for it to rain !

Downspout

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14
Oct

nunThree Italian nuns die and go to heaven.

At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be.

The first nun says, I want to be Sophia Loren and *poof* she’s gone.

The second says, I want to be Madonna and *poof* she’s gone.

The third says, I want to be Sara Pipalini..

St. Peter looks perplexed. Who? he asked.

Sara Pipalini, replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says, I’m sorry, but that name just doesn’t ring a bell. The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.

St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says, No Sister, the paper says it was the ‘ Sahara Pipeline’ that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months.

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