26
Mar

Joke of the DayA mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.

The little boy had been looking out of the window with a contemplative look, when he turned to his mother and asked, “If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”

The mother couldn’t think of an immediate response, so she told her son to ask the flight attendant.

As his mother suggested, the boy strode down the aisle to the flight attendant and inquired, “If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”

The busy flight attendant looked at the boy, smiled, and asked, “Did your mother tell you to ask me?”   The boy replied, “Yes, she did.”

“Well,” said the flight attendant, “You tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your mother explain that to you.”

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25
Mar

Joke of the DayIn a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn’t. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more.

zipFor the second time she attempted the step, and once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, “How dare you touch my body!   I don’t even know who you are!’

The Texan smiled and drawled, “Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times,

I kinda figured we was friends.

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22
Feb

NurseThe doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, ‘I’ve got some bad news. You have terminal cancer, and you’d best put your affairs in order.’

The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.

‘Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don’t go so well. In this case, things aren’t well. I have terminal cancer. So, let’s head to the club and have a champagne.’

After 3 or 4 champagnes, the two were feeling a little less sombre. There were some laughs and more champagnes.

They were eventually approached by some of the woman’s old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end,

‘I’ve been diagnosed with AIDS.’

The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.

After the friends left, the woman’s daughter leaned over and whispered, ‘Mum, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS!  Why did you do that?’

‘Because I don’t want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I’m gone.’

And THAT, my friends, is what is called, ‘Putting Your Affairs In Order.’

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