01
Dec

nunA soldier ran up to a nun. Out of  breath he asked, ‘Please, may I hide under your skirt.  I’ll explain later.’

The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked,   Sister, have you seen a soldier?’

The nun replied, ‘He went that way.’

After the MP’s ran off, the soldier  crawled out from under her skirt and said, ‘I can’t thank you enough   Sister. You see, I don’t want to go to Iraq ….’

The nun said, ‘I understand completely.’

The soldier added, ‘I hope I’m not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!’

The nun replied,  ‘If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair  of balls….I don’t want to go to Iraq  either !!

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01
Dec

Joke of the DayOlaf Swenson, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota, took a lightning-quick kick from a cow…right in his crotch; writhing in agony, he fell to the ground.

As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said: “How bad is it Doc? I’m going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiance, Lena, is still a virgin — in every vay.

The doctor told him, “Olaf, I’ll have to put your willy in a splint to let it heal, and keep it straight. It should be okay next week, but leave it on dere as long as you can. He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together…quite an impressive work of art.

Olaf mentioned none of this to Lena, married her, and they went on their honeymoon to Duluth. That night in the Motel 6, Lena ripped open her blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts. She said: “Olaf…you’re the first vun! No vun has EVER seen deez.” Olaf immediately dropped his pants and replied:

“Look at dis Lena … still in DA CRATE!”

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25
Nov

viagra jokeAll drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadroopin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of ‘cocktails’, ‘highballs’ and just a good old-fashioned ‘stiff drink’.

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

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