11
May

Slay.me Joke of the DayTwo beggars were sitting on the street in Philadelphia.

One had a Cross in front of him; the other one was holding a Star of David.

Many people went by, looked at both beggars, but put money only into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.

One day, a procession came past, and it included His Holiness the Pope.

He stopped to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar who held the Cross, while none gave to the beggar holding the Star of David.

After a few minutes, the Pope approached the beggar with the Star of David and said: “My poor fellow, don’t you understand? This is a Catholic country.

“This city is the Seat of Catholicism. People aren’t going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you’re sitting beside a beggar who is holding a Cross.

“In fact, they would probably give more money to him just out of spite.”

The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, and turned to the beggar with the Cross and said:

“Bernie, look who’s trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing!”

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07
May

Slay.me Joke of the DayA man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

“Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3:00 in the morning!”

He slams the door and returns to bed.

“Who was that?” asked his wife..

“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers.

“Did you help him?” she asks.

“No, I did not, it’s 3am in the morning and it’s bloomin’well pouring with rain out there!”

“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?

I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!

“God loves drunk people too you know.”

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”

“Yes,” comes back the answer.

“Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.

“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.

“Where are you?” asks the husband.

“Over here on the swing,” replied the drunk..

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04
May

Slay.me Joke of the DayThe lawyer says to the wealthy art collector tycoon: “I have some good news and, I have some bad news…”

The tycoon replies: “I’ve had an awful day, let’s hear the good news first?

The lawyer says: “Well your wife invested $5,000 in two pictures this week that she figures are worth a minimum of $20 to $30 million.”

The tycoon replies enthusiastically: “Well done…very good news indeed! You’ve    just made my day; now what’s the bad news?”

The lawyer answers: “The pictures are of you with your secretary.”

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