09
Jul

Slay.me Joke of the DayFarmer John once lived on a quiet rural highway but as time went  by, the traffic slowly built up and eventually got so heavy and so fast that  his free range chickens were being run over, at a rate of three to six a  week.

So Farmer John called the local police station to complain,  “You’ve got to do something about all these people driving so fast and killing  all my chickens,” he said to the local police officer.

“What do you  want me to do?” asked the policeman.

“I don’t care, just do something  about those crazy drivers!”

So the next day the policeman had the Council erect a sign that said:

SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later Farmer John called the  policeman and said, “You’ve still got to do something about these drivers. The  school crossing’ sign seems to make them go even faster!”

So again, they put up a new  sign:

SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY.

That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and said, “Your  signs are no good Can I put up my own  sign?”

In order to get him off his back the policeman said, “Sure. Put up  your own sign.”

The phone calls to the Police Station stopped, but curiosity got the better of the Officer, so he called Farmer John

“How is the problem with the speeding drivers? Did you put up your sign?”

“Oh, I sure did and not one chicken has been  killed.”

The policeman was really curious and thought he’d better go out and take a look at the sign. He also thought the sign might be something the Police could use elsewhere, to slow drivers  down..

So he drove out to Farmer John’s  house.

His jaw dropped the moment he saw the  sign.

‘NUDIST COLONY’

‘Slow down and watch out for chicks!

25
Jun

Slay.me Joke of the DayRing, Ring…  Hello?”

Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?”

“No, Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.

After a brief pause,

Daddy says, “But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Paul.”

“Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now.”

Brief pause

“Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.  Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy,that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.

“Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.”

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.

“I did it, Daddy.”

“And what happened, honey?” He asked.

“Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and  ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”

“Oh my God!!!  What about your Uncle Paul?”

“He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.  He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool.  But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water
last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.”

Long Pause

Longer Pause

Even Longer Pause

Then Daddy says,

“Swimming pool? …………

is this “486-5731?”

No, I think you have the wrong number…….

11
May

Slay.me Joke of the DayTwo beggars were sitting on the street in Philadelphia.

One had a Cross in front of him; the other one was holding a Star of David.

Many people went by, looked at both beggars, but put money only into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.

One day, a procession came past, and it included His Holiness the Pope.

He stopped to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar who held the Cross, while none gave to the beggar holding the Star of David.

After a few minutes, the Pope approached the beggar with the Star of David and said: “My poor fellow, don’t you understand? This is a Catholic country.

“This city is the Seat of Catholicism. People aren’t going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you’re sitting beside a beggar who is holding a Cross.

“In fact, they would probably give more money to him just out of spite.”

The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, and turned to the beggar with the Cross and said:

“Bernie, look who’s trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing!”

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