16
Nov

Joke of the DayGlenn sent his dog out to see if there were any ducks in the pond. “If there aren’t many ducks out there, I’m not going hunting”

The dog comes back and barks twice. Glenn says “Well, I’m not going to go  out. He only saw two ducks out there”.

Earl says “You’re going to take the dog’s barks for the truth?” Earl doesn’t believe it, so he goes to look for himself.  When he gets back he says “I don’t believe it. There really are only two ducks out there!  Where did you get that dog?”

Glenn says “Well, I got him from the breeder up the road.  If you want one, you can get one from him”.

So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Glenn has. The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks.  Minutes later the dog returns shaking its head with a stick in its mouth, and starts humping Earl’s leg.  Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says “This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!”

The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back shaking its head with a stick in its mouth, and started humping his leg.

The breeder says “Earl, dogs can’t talk. He was trying to tell you there are more fucking ducks out there than you can shake a stick at.

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14
Nov

Funny LeprechaunA Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal. Before the final match, the Irish wrestler’s trainer came to him and said ‘Now, don’t forget all the research we’ve done on this Russian. He’s never lost a match because of this ‘pretzel’ hold he has. It ties you up in knots. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you’re finished.’

The Irishman nodded in acknowledgment. As the match started, the Irishman and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the Irishman and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn’t watch the inevitable happen.

Suddenly, there was a Long, High Pitched Scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the Irishman collapsed on top of him, making the pin and winning the match.

The trainer was astounded. When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked ‘How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!’

The wrestler answered ‘Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength, I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.’

The trainer exclaimed ‘That’s what finished him off?’

‘Not really. You’d be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own nuts.

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