Archive for the ‘Cowboy Jokes’ Category

25
Mar

Joke of the DayIn a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn’t. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more.

zipFor the second time she attempted the step, and once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, “How dare you touch my body!   I don’t even know who you are!’

The Texan smiled and drawled, “Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times,

I kinda figured we was friends.

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01
Dec

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?”

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, Why not?”

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone , and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an
exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports to an image processing facility in Hamburg,Germany.   Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the
image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP Laser Jet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”

“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”

“You’re an aide in the Obama Administration”, says Bud.

“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”

“No guessing required.” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of
equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don’t know a thing about how working people make a living – or about cows, for that matter.

This is a herd of sheep. …

Now give me back my dog.”

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27
Feb

Slay.me Joke of the DayAn old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter,

“Hey, you wanna hear a blond joke?”

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a verydeep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,  “Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only
fair, considering that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blond girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blond girl.

3.I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blond woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blond and a professional weightlifter.

5. The lady to your right is blond and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?”

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, “No…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

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