Posts Tagged ‘jewish joke’
01
May

The Arab and the Jewish Genie

An Arab had spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water.

It got so bad that even his camel died of thirst.

He crawled through the sands, certain that he was breathing his last breath, when suddenly, he saw a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawled to the object, pulled it out of the sand, and discovered that it was a Manischewitz wine bottle.

It appeared that there may be a drop or two left in the bottle, so he unscrewed the top and out popped a genie.

BUT this was no ordinary Genie.
This genie appeared to be a Chasidic Rabbi,
complete with black alpaca coat, black hat, side curls, and tzitzis.

‘Vell kid,’ said the genie, ‘you know how it voiks. You got tree vishes.’

‘I’m not going to trust you,’ says the Arab.
‘I’m not going to trust a Jewish genie!’

‘Vott you got to lose? Looks ta me – you’re a goner anyvay!’

The Arab thought about this for a minute and decided that
the genie was right.
‘Okay, I wish I were in a lush oasis, with plentiful food and drink.’

* * * * * * * P O O F! * * * * * * * * *

The Arab found himself in the most beautiful oasis he had ever seen and he was surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

‘Okee-dokee kiddo, vat’s your second vish?’

‘My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams.’

* * * * * * * P O O F!* * * * * * * * *

The Arab found himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare old coins and precious gems.

‘Okay kid, you got just vone more vish.

Best you should make it a good vone!’

After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says,
‘I wish that no matter where I go,
beautiful women will always need and want me!’

* * * * * * * P O O F! * * * * * * * * *

He was turned into a tampon.

THE MORAL OF THE STORY:

If you’re an Arab doing business with a Jewish genie,
there’s bound to be a string attached.

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21
Sep

The Jewish Elbow

Slay.me Joke of the DayA Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

“You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I’m on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell.”

“Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?”

“What…you coming empty handed?”

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11
May

The Religious Beggars

Slay.me Joke of the DayTwo beggars were sitting on the street in Philadelphia.

One had a Cross in front of him; the other one was holding a Star of David.

Many people went by, looked at both beggars, but put money only into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.

One day, a procession came past, and it included His Holiness the Pope.

He stopped to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar who held the Cross, while none gave to the beggar holding the Star of David.

After a few minutes, the Pope approached the beggar with the Star of David and said: “My poor fellow, don’t you understand? This is a Catholic country.

“This city is the Seat of Catholicism. People aren’t going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you’re sitting beside a beggar who is holding a Cross.

“In fact, they would probably give more money to him just out of spite.”

The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, and turned to the beggar with the Cross and said:

“Bernie, look who’s trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing!”

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