10. Damn, I missed the hole again.
9. Hold up. I’ve got to wash my balls.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can’t get a good grip.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft’s all bent.
and the numbe r 1 think in Golf that sounds dirty
1. Look at the size of his putter.
Golfer: “I think I’m going to drown myself in the lake.”
Caddy: “Think you can keep your head down that long?”
Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.”
Caddy: “Try heaven, you’ve already moved most of the earth.”
Golfer: “Do you think my game is improving?”
Caddy: “Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.”
Golfer: “Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?”
Caddy: “Eventually.”
Golfer: “You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world.”
Caddy: “I don’t think so sir. That would be too much of a
coincidence.”
Golfer: “Please stop checking your watch all the time. It’s too
much of a distraction.”
Caddy: “It’s not a watch— it’s a compass.”
Golfer: “How do you like my game?”
Caddy: “Very good, sir, but personally, I prefer golf.”
Golfer: “Do you think it’s a sin to play on Sunday?”
Caddy: “The way you play, sir.”
Golfer: “This is the worst course I’ve ever played on.”
Caddy: “This isn’t the golf course. We left that an hour ago.”
Golfer: “That can’t be my ball, it’s too old.”
Caddy: “It’s been a long time since we teed off, sir.”
A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses
from a heart attack.
“Help me dear,” she groans to her husband.
The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes,
picks up his putter and lines up his putt.
His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. “I’m dying
here and you’re putting?”
“Don’t worry dear,” says the husband calmly, “they found a doctor on
the second hole and he’s coming to help you.”
“Well, how long will it take for him to get here?” she asks feebly.
“No time at all,” says her husband. “Everybody’s already agreed to let
him play through.”
