Archive for the ‘Golf Jokes’ Category

28
Sep

Slay.me Joke of the DayOne afternoon Howard accidentally overturned his golf cart.

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a condo on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, “Are you okay, what’s your name?”

“It’s Howard, and I’m okay, thanks,” he replied.

“Howard, forget your troubles. Come up to my condo and rest for awhile, and I’ll help you get the cart up later.”

“That’s mighty nice of you,” he answered, “but I don’t think my wife would like it.”

“Oh, come on,” Elizabeth insisted. She was very pretty, very sexy and so persuasive and Howard was weak.

“Well okay,” he finally agreed, and added, “but my wife. won’t like it.”

After a glass of scotch, and some very creative putting lessons demonstrated by Elizabeth, he thanked his host. “I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset.”

“Don’t be silly!” Elizabeth said with a smile, “She won’t know anything. By the way, where is she?”

“Probably still under the cart!” Howard said.

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05
Jan

Slay.me Joke of the DayAn elderly couple were having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife’s hand in his and said, “Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there’s something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?”

Martha replied, “Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I’ve been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.

Henry was obviously hurt by his wife’s confession, but said, “I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by ‘good reasons?’ ”

Martha said, “The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn’t pay the mortgage. Do you remember that evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?”

Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, “I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?”

Martha asked, “Do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn’t have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge.”

“I recall that,” said Henry. “And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time.”

“All right,” Martha said. “So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 53 more votes?”

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10
Jan

Joke of the DayTwo 70-year-old men had been friends all of their lives.

When it was clear that Frank was dying, Joe visited him every day.

One day Joe said, “Frank, we both loved playing golf all our lives, and we started playing soon after high school.

Please do me one favor: “when you get to heaven,somehow you must let me know if there’s golf there.”

Frank looked up at Joe from his deathbed and said, “Joe, you’ve been my best friend for many years.  If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this favor for you.”

Shortly after that, Frank died.

A few weeks later, Joe was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, “Joe, Joe .”

“Who is it,” asked Joe, sitting up suddenly. “Who is it?”

“Joe– it’s me, Frank”

“You’re not Frank . Frank just died.”

“I’m telling you, it’s me, Frank,” insisted the voice.

“Frank,Where are you?”

“In heaven,” replied Frank. “I have some really good news and a little bad news.”

“Tell me the good news first,” said Joe.

“The good news,” Frank said with joy and enthusiasm, “is that there is golf in heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before me are here too. Even better than that, we’re all young again.
Better still, it’s always Summertime and it never rains.

And best of all, we can play golf all we want, and we never get tired. ” And we get to play with all the Greats of the past.

“That’s fantastic,” said Joe “It’s beyond my wildest dreams! So what’s the bad news?”

“You’re in my foursome this Saturday”

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