Archive for the ‘Sick Perverted Jokes’ Category

28
Jan

Slay.me Joke of the DayAt the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted 3 black men totally naked, sitting on a bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.

The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.  He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society. ‘In fact’, he pointed out, ‘some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society’.

After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, ‘Would you like to know what the painting is really about?’

‘Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery’, asked the couple?

‘Because I am the artist, who painted the picture,’ he replied. ‘In fact, there are  no African Americans depicted at all.  They’re just three Irish coal miners.  The guy in the middle went home for lunch.’

25
Aug

Slay.me Joke of the DayA Newfoundlander was walking home late at night and spots a woman in the Shadows.

“Twenty dollars” she whispers.

Perry had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the hell, it’s only twenty bucks. So they hide in the bushes.

They’re going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It is a police officer.

“What’s going on here, people?” asks the officer.

“I’s makin’ love to me wife!”, the Newfoundlander answers, annoyed.

“Oh! I’m sorry”, says the cop. “I didn’t know.”

“Well, neidder did I, ’til ya shined that light in ‘er face!”

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25
Jun

Slay.me Joke of the DayRing, Ring…  Hello?”

Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?”

“No, Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.

After a brief pause,

Daddy says, “But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Paul.”

“Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now.”

Brief pause

“Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.  Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy,that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.

“Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.”

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.

“I did it, Daddy.”

“And what happened, honey?” He asked.

“Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and  ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”

“Oh my God!!!  What about your Uncle Paul?”

“He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.  He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool.  But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water
last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.”

Long Pause

Longer Pause

Even Longer Pause

Then Daddy says,

“Swimming pool? …………

is this “486-5731?”

No, I think you have the wrong number…….