Slay.me

5,000 Jewish men were surveyed as to why they like receiving oral sex.

1% liked the warmth

2% liked the sensation

3% liked the eroticism

94% just liked the peace and quiet

Donald  Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in  a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with  Daisy.

The  first thing Daisy asked was, “Do you have a  condom?”

Donald  frowned and said, “No.”

Daisy told Donald that if  he didn’t get a condom,  they  could not have sex.

“Maybe they sell them at  the front desk,” she  suggested.

So  Donald went down to the lobby  and asked  the hotel clerk if they had  condoms.

“Yes,  we do,” the clerk said and  pulled  a box out from under the counter and  gave  it to Donald.

The  clerk asked, “Would you like me to put them  on  your bill?”

“Thit  No!”  Donald quacked, “I’ll  thuffocate!”

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.  While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.

Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes.  When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.

Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.

When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply.

The devil smiles and replies: “Since Obama took over, the country has gone to hell, so it’s a local call.”