Archive for the ‘Dirty Jokes’ Category

14
Feb

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.

The Indian Chief proclaims,

“So,  YOU are the great Lone Ranger”…

“In honor of the Harvest Festival,   YOU will be executed in three days.”

“Before I kill you, I grant you three requests”

“What is your FIRST request?’

The Lone Ranger responds,

“I’d like to speak to my horse.”
The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver’s ear, and the horse gallops away.

Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.

As the Indian Chief watches,  the blonde enters the Lone Ranger’s tent and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he’s impressed.

“You have a very fine and loyal horse”,  “But I will still kill you in two days.”

“What is your SECOND request?”

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse.  Silver is brought to him,  and he again whispers in the horse’s ear.

As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.

Later that evening, to the Chief’s surprise,  Silver again returns,  this time with a voluptuous brunette,  more attractive than the blonde.

She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed.

“You are indeed a man of many talents,”  “But I will still kill you tomorrow.”

“What is your LAST request?”

The Lone Ranger responds,

“I’d like to speak to my horse…alone.”

The Chief is curious, but he agrees,  and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger’s tent.

Once they’re alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,

Listen Very Carefully!!!

FOR… THE… LAST… TIME…

“BRING POSSE!”

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08
Dec

Three  men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at  the pearly gates.

“In honor of this holy season”  Saint Peter said,  “You must each possess something  that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”

The  first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a  lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle”, he  said.

“You may pass through the pearly  gates” Saint Peter said.

The  second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of  keys.  He shook them and said, “They’re bells.”

Saint Peter said “You may pass through the pearly gates”.

The third man started searching  desperately through his pockets and finally pulled  out a pair of women’s panties.

St. Peter looked at  the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”

The man  replied, “These are Carol’s.”

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28
Jan

Slay.me Joke of the DayAt the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted 3 black men totally naked, sitting on a bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.

The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.  He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society. ‘In fact’, he pointed out, ‘some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society’.

After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, ‘Would you like to know what the painting is really about?’

‘Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery’, asked the couple?

‘Because I am the artist, who painted the picture,’ he replied. ‘In fact, there are  no African Americans depicted at all.  They’re just three Irish coal miners.  The guy in the middle went home for lunch.’