Slay.me

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death.

Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.

True to his word, he made the first contact:

” Marion … Marion ”

“Is that you, Bob?”

“Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.”

“That’s wonderful! What’s it like?”

“Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it’s off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the  warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you’d be proud – lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it’s back to golf course again.  Then it’s more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again”

“Oh, Bob are you in Heaven?”

“No………..I’m a rabbit in Arizona!”

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, ‘You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.’

The cat thought for a minute and then said, ‘All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.’

God said, ‘Say no more.’ Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.

A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat

The mice said, ‘Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller skates, we would not have to run again.’
God answered, ‘It is done.’ All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.

About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, ‘Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?’

The cat replied, ‘Oh, it is WONDERFUL. I have never been so happy in my life. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious!’

Three  men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at  the pearly gates.

‘In honor of this holy season’  Saint Peter said,  ‘You must each possess something  that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.’

The  first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a  lighter. He flicked it on. ‘It represents a candle’, he  said.

‘You may pass through the pearly  gates’ Saint Peter said.

The  second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of  keys. He shook them and said, ‘They’re  bells.’

Saint Peter said ‘You may pass through the  pearly gates’.

The third man started searching  desperately through his pockets and  finally pulled  out a pair of women’s panties.

St. Peter looked at  the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, ‘ And just what do those symbolize?’

The man  replied, ‘These are Carols.’

And  So The Christmas Season Begins……