Posts Tagged ‘heaven’
15
Dec

Obama, Hillary and Trump are standing at the throne of heaven. God looks at them and says, “Before granting you a place at my side, I must ask you what you have learned, what you believe in.”

God asks Obama first: “What do you believe?”

He thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, “I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my countrymen”.
God can’t help but see the essential goodness of Obama , and offers him a seat to his left.

Then God turns to Hillary and says, “What do you believe?”
Hillary says, “I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life. Like Obama I believe in hard work. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I’ve always tried to be a true patriot and a loyal American.”

God is greatly moved by Hillary’s high-pitched eloquence, and he offers her a seat to his right.

Finally, God turns to Trump and says, “And you, Donald, what do you believe?”

Trump replies,  “I believe you’re in my seat.”

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10
Jan

Joke of the DayTwo 70-year-old men had been friends all of their lives.

When it was clear that Frank was dying, Joe visited him every day.

One day Joe said, “Frank, we both loved playing golf all our lives, and we started playing soon after high school.

Please do me one favor: “when you get to heaven,somehow you must let me know if there’s golf there.”

Frank looked up at Joe from his deathbed and said, “Joe, you’ve been my best friend for many years.  If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this favor for you.”

Shortly after that, Frank died.

A few weeks later, Joe was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, “Joe, Joe .”

“Who is it,” asked Joe, sitting up suddenly. “Who is it?”

“Joe– it’s me, Frank”

“You’re not Frank . Frank just died.”

“I’m telling you, it’s me, Frank,” insisted the voice.

“Frank,Where are you?”

“In heaven,” replied Frank. “I have some really good news and a little bad news.”

“Tell me the good news first,” said Joe.

“The good news,” Frank said with joy and enthusiasm, “is that there is golf in heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before me are here too. Even better than that, we’re all young again.
Better still, it’s always Summertime and it never rains.

And best of all, we can play golf all we want, and we never get tired. ” And we get to play with all the Greats of the past.

“That’s fantastic,” said Joe “It’s beyond my wildest dreams! So what’s the bad news?”

“You’re in my foursome this Saturday”

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23
Dec

Slay.me Joke of the DayThree  men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at  the pearly gates.

‘In honor of this holy season’  Saint Peter said,  ‘You must each possess something  that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.’

The  first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a  lighter. He flicked it on. ‘It represents a candle’, he  said.

‘You may pass through the pearly  gates’ Saint Peter said.

The  second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of  keys. He shook them and said, ‘They’re  bells.’

Saint Peter said ‘You may pass through the  pearly gates’.

The third man started searching  desperately through his pockets and  finally pulled  out a pair of women’s panties.

St. Peter looked at  the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, ‘ And just what do those symbolize?’

The man  replied, ‘These are Carols.’

And  So The Christmas Season Begins……

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