Archive for the ‘Jewish Jokes’ Category

21
Sep

Slay.me Joke of the DayA Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

“You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I’m on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell.”

“Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?”

“What…you coming empty handed?”

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11
May

Slay.me Joke of the DayTwo beggars were sitting on the street in Philadelphia.

One had a Cross in front of him; the other one was holding a Star of David.

Many people went by, looked at both beggars, but put money only into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.

One day, a procession came past, and it included His Holiness the Pope.

He stopped to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar who held the Cross, while none gave to the beggar holding the Star of David.

After a few minutes, the Pope approached the beggar with the Star of David and said: “My poor fellow, don’t you understand? This is a Catholic country.

“This city is the Seat of Catholicism. People aren’t going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you’re sitting beside a beggar who is holding a Cross.

“In fact, they would probably give more money to him just out of spite.”

The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, and turned to the beggar with the Cross and said:

“Bernie, look who’s trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing!”

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04
Nov

Joke of the DayA New York judge is presiding over the divorce proceedings of a Jewish couple.

When the final papers have been signed and the divorce is completed, the woman thanks the judge and says, “Now I have to arrange for a Gett.”

The judge inquires what she means by a Gett.

So, the woman explains that a Gett is a religious ceremony required under the Jewish religion in order to receive a divorce recognized by the Jewish faith.

The judge says, “You mean a religious ceremony like a Bris?”

She replies, “Yes, very similar, only in this case you get rid of the entire prick.

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