Slay.me

Six retired Jewish Floridian fellows were playing poker in the condo Clubhouse when Meyer loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and Drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing, But standing up..

At the end of the game, Finklestein looks around and asks, “So, who’s gonna Tell his Vife?”

They cut the cards.. Goldberg picks the low card and has to carry the news.

They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don’t make a bad situation any Worse.

“Discreet?  I’m the most discreet person you’ll ever meet.  Discretion is my Middle Name.  Leave it to me.”

Goldberg goes over to the Meyer’s condo and knocks on the door.

The wife Answers through the door and asks what he wants?

Goldberg declares: “Your husband just lost $500 in a poker game and is Afraid to come home.”

“Tell him to drop dead!” yells the wife.

“I’ll go tell him.” says Goldberg.*

No matter what this husband did in bed, his wife never achieved an orgasm..

Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to consult their Rabbi. The Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion:

‘Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you.

That will help your wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm..’

They go home and follow the Rabbi’s advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It does not help and the wife is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the Rabbi.

‘Okay,’ he says to the husband, ‘Try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them.’

Once again, they follow the Rabbi’s advice. They go home and hire, the same strapping young man. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel.

The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and soon she has an enormous, room-shaking, ear-splitting screaming orgasm. The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly,

‘See that, you schmuck? THAT’S how you wave a towel!!

Moishe (the father)  says to his son: “I want you to marry a girl of my choice”. The son  says: “I will choose my own bride”.

Moishe says: “But the girl is  Bill Gates’ daughter”.
The son answers: “Well, in that case, yes  ok”.

Moishe then approaches Bill Gates and says: “I have a  husband for your daughter”.
Bill Gates answers: “But my daughter is too  young to get married”!

Moishe says: “But this young man is a  vice-president of the World Bank”.

Bill Gates answers: “Ah, in that  case, yes ok”.

Finally Moishe goes to see the president of  the World Bank. Moishe says: “I have a young man to be recommended as  a vice-president”.

The president answers: “But I already have  more vice-presidents than I need”.

Moishe says: “But  this young man is Bill Gates’ son-in-law”.

The President  answers: “Ah, in that case, yes ok.”

And that is how  successful Jews do business…