Slay.me

After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day. Here’s what happened:

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly, “Good morning and welcome to Walmart.”

I then said, “Nice children you have there. Are they twins?”

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, “Don’t be f**ing stupid. Of course they aren’t twins. The oldest one’s 9, and the other one’ s 7. Why the hell would you think they’re twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?”

I replied, “I’m neither blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn’t believe someone f**ked you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Walmart.”

My Supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work.

By: Roger Banner

A  man was sunbathing naked at the beach.

For the sake of civility, and  to keep it from getting sunburned, he  had a hat over his privates.

A  woman walks past and says, snickering,
“If  you were a gentleman you’d lift your  hat.”

He  raised an eyebrow and replied, “If  you weren’t so ugly it would lift itself.”