Archive for the ‘Doctor Jokes’ Category

01
Apr

Joke of the DayAn 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his prostrate examination.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ‘Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.’

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, ‘Well, doc, it’s like this — first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.

Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

‘Then I asked my wife for help.  She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.

She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

‘We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.’

The doctor was shocked!

‘You asked your neighbor?’

The old man replied, ‘Yep, none of us could get the jar open.’

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17
Apr

Two  women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed  directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one  of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the  ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man,  and immediately began to apologize.. ‘Please allow me to help. I’m a Physical  Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me, she told  him.

‘Oh, no, I’ll be all right. I’ll be fine in a few minutes,’ the man  replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping  his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed  her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened  his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage  for several long moments and asked, ‘How does that feel’?

Feels great, he  replied; but I still think my thumb’s broken!

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26
Nov

A man goes  into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure a very  attractive nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take  all of his clothes off.

When he is fully undressed she  instructs him to lie down on the table. The man obeys. The nurse then  takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with  him.

Upon the completion of the act the man catches his breath  and asks what that was all about. The nurse informs the patient that  studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an  ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the cord is easier for  the surgeon to locate and sever, thereby making the surgery safer,  more efficient and quicker.

The nurse then  wheels the patient  to the operating room.

While they are going down the hall the  patient looks through a window to the right and sees six men in a room  masturbating.

Curious, the  man asks,” What are they doing in there”?

The nurse responds,  “They’re preparing for vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross, and  they have Obama Care.”

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