Archive for the ‘War Jokes’ Category

11
Sep

First, we would like to say that 9/11 was a horrible event and really isn’t a joking matter. That being said, there are a few jokes out there on the Internet that are not totally in bad taste, what do you think? Is it too soon to laugh?

Remember 9-11


“It’s a bird!”
“It’s a plane!”
“It’s…. Oh shit, it IS a plane!”


Q: What’s Al Qaida’s favorite football team?
A: The New York Jets


Q: What was the last thing going through Mr. Jones’ head when he was working on the World Trade Center’s 90th floor?
A: The 91st floor.


Q: What’s the last thing that went through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
A: Their ankles.


Q: What color were Mohammed Atta’s eyes?
A: Blue. One blue this way, the other blue that way!


Q: What’s the biggest difference between 9/11 and the Oklahoma City Bombing?
A: Foreigners once again prove they can do it better and more efficiently.


Have you heard about the decision about the memorial at the WTC site?
The city decided to go with an open park and the worlds largest franchise of the “International House of Pancakes!”


Q: What kind of pizzas did they last order at the World Trade Center?
A: Two large planes!


A man goes to the doctor and the doctor says, “You are suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder from being in the Pentagon when it was struck by a plane.”
The man says, “Doc, I think I wanna second opinion!”
The doctor says, “OK- your breath stinks!”


What does WTC stand for? – “What Trade Center?”


Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: New Yorkers. Some of them go through 110 stories in 5 seconds


Q: Why do tourists flock to New York?
A: It’s a blast


The FBI has just identified the man who trained the hijackers: Dale Earnhardt.


The New Name for New York City: “Manflatten”


Today FBI concluded that New York had been hit by a U.F.M (unidentified flying muslim)


Q: What did one terrorist say to the other terrorist before boarding their respective airplanes?
A: I slam, you slam, we all slam for Islam!


NEWSFLASH…. The WTC has been destroyed…. thousands of New York executives feared dead…. Hookers all across the city are in mourning…..


Q: Why didn’t Superman stop the planes from hitting the Trade Towers?
A: Because he’s a quadriplegic!


Q: What should have tipped off the ticket sellers?
A: When the terrorists asked if there was anything cheaper than one-way.


Q: What was the quickest escape time from the World Trade Center?
A: Ten seconds flat.


What’s the difference between Wembley and New York?
Wembley’s still got their twin towers.


Then there’s the retarded terrorist who tried to crash the A-Train into the World Trade Center……….


Top 10 Good Things About The WTC Attack

10. There are now 18 fewer Arab taxi drivers terrorizing the streets.
9. Flight training schools proved that they are expensive but worth it.
8. People are learning how to spell “Afghanistan” correctly.
7. Plenty of parking available at airports now.
6. Jerry Springer Show was off the air for a whole week.
5. Sales for U.S. flags are way up.
4. Several new job openings now at NYPD and NYFD.
3. Much lower electric bills for Manhattan.
2. Home videos of the WTC attack more spectacular than Arnold Schwarzenegger’s last
5 movies.
And the number one …
1. Some great new unobstructed views of Manhattan now.

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14
Dec

Slay.me Joke of the DayIt was 1965 & an elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the Confessional, The man said: ‘Father … During World War II, a beautiful
Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis.  So I hid her in my attic.’
The priest replied: ‘That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that.’
‘There is more to tell, Father… She started to repay me with sexual favors.
This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.’
The priest said, ‘That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger. But two people under
those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh.  However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.’

‘Thank you, Father. That’s a great load off my mind.

I do have one more question.’

‘And what is that?’ asked the priest.

‘Should I tell her the war is over?”

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28
Oct

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, health care, government health insurance, the wars, global warming, my savings, Social Security, credit card debt…..

I called the Suicide Hotline.

Got a freakin’ call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal.

They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck . . . .

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