Archive for the ‘Mexican Jokes’ Category

12
Dec

A Mexican family was considering putting their grandfather in a nursing home.

All the hispanic facilities were full, so they had to put him in an Irish home.

After a few weeks in the Irish facility, they came to visit grandpa.

How do you like it here? asks the grandson..

It’s wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful, says grandpa.

We’re so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little different from everyone.

Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents, Abuelo says with a big smile.

There’s a musician here — he’s 85 years old. He hasn’t played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him ‘Maestro’!

There’s a judge here — he’s 95 years old. He hasn’t been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him ‘Your Honor’!

There’s a dentist here — he’s 90 years old. He hasn’t fixed a tooth for 25 years and everyone still calls him ‘Doctor’!

And me —  I haven’t had sex for 35 years and they still call me the ‘Fucking Mexican’!

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03
Nov

Two retired Jewish men, Sid and Al, are sitting in a Mexican restaurant in L.A. Sid asks Al, ‘Do you know of any people of our faith born and raised in Mexico ?

Al replies, ‘I don’t know; let’s ask our waiter.’

When the waiter arrives, Al asks, ‘Are there any Mexican Jews?’ The waiter says, ‘I don’t know senor; I ask the cooks.

He returns from the kitchen after a few minutes& says, ‘No, senor; the cook say no Mexican Jews.’

Al isn’t satisfied& asks, ‘Are you absolutely sure?

The waiter, realizing he is dealing with Gringos’ replies, ‘I check once again, senor!’ `He goes back into the kitchen.

While the waiter is away, Sid says, ‘I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico . Our people are scattered everywhere.’

The waiter returns& says, ‘Senor, the head cook Juan say there is no Mexican Jews.’ ‘Are you certain?’ Al asks again. ‘I just can’t believe there are no Mexican Jews!”SENOR, I asked EVERYONE,’ replies the exasperated waiter.

‘All we have is Orange Jews, Grape Jews, Prune Jews, and Tomato Jews .

02
Sep

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a southerner, a New Englander, and a Californian) an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovakian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a  Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani,an Amish, a Romanian, a Chilean, an Eskimo, a Kyrgyzstani, a Jamaican, a Filipino,
a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 47 Africans

walk into a fine restaurant….

The maître d’ scrutinizes the group one by one and bars their entrance saying:

“Sorry, you can’t come in here without a Thai.”