Archive for the ‘Airplane Jokes’ Category

30
Nov

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger, Sarah Palin said, “I have my own reality show and I am the smartest woman in American history, so America’s people don’t want me to die.” She took the first pack and jumped out of the plane.

The second passenger, John McCain, said, “I’m a Senator, and a decorated war hero from an elite Navy unit from the United States of America”. So he grabbed the second pack and jumped.

The third passenger, Barack Obama said, “I am the President of the United States and I am the smartest ever in the history of our country, some even call me the ‘Anointed One.’ So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out.

The fourth passenger, Billy Graham said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, “I have lived a full life and served my God the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.”

The little girl said, “That’s okay Mr. Graham. There’s a parachute left for you.. America’s smartest President took my schoolbag.”

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11
Sep

First, we would like to say that 9/11 was a horrible event and really isn’t a joking matter. That being said, there are a few jokes out there on the Internet that are not totally in bad taste, what do you think? Is it too soon to laugh?

Remember 9-11


“It’s a bird!”
“It’s a plane!”
“It’s…. Oh shit, it IS a plane!”


Q: What’s Al Qaida’s favorite football team?
A: The New York Jets


Q: What was the last thing going through Mr. Jones’ head when he was working on the World Trade Center’s 90th floor?
A: The 91st floor.


Q: What’s the last thing that went through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
A: Their ankles.


Q: What color were Mohammed Atta’s eyes?
A: Blue. One blue this way, the other blue that way!


Q: What’s the biggest difference between 9/11 and the Oklahoma City Bombing?
A: Foreigners once again prove they can do it better and more efficiently.


Have you heard about the decision about the memorial at the WTC site?
The city decided to go with an open park and the worlds largest franchise of the “International House of Pancakes!”


Q: What kind of pizzas did they last order at the World Trade Center?
A: Two large planes!


A man goes to the doctor and the doctor says, “You are suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder from being in the Pentagon when it was struck by a plane.”
The man says, “Doc, I think I wanna second opinion!”
The doctor says, “OK- your breath stinks!”


What does WTC stand for? – “What Trade Center?”


Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: New Yorkers. Some of them go through 110 stories in 5 seconds


Q: Why do tourists flock to New York?
A: It’s a blast


The FBI has just identified the man who trained the hijackers: Dale Earnhardt.


The New Name for New York City: “Manflatten”


Today FBI concluded that New York had been hit by a U.F.M (unidentified flying muslim)


Q: What did one terrorist say to the other terrorist before boarding their respective airplanes?
A: I slam, you slam, we all slam for Islam!


NEWSFLASH…. The WTC has been destroyed…. thousands of New York executives feared dead…. Hookers all across the city are in mourning…..


Q: Why didn’t Superman stop the planes from hitting the Trade Towers?
A: Because he’s a quadriplegic!


Q: What should have tipped off the ticket sellers?
A: When the terrorists asked if there was anything cheaper than one-way.


Q: What was the quickest escape time from the World Trade Center?
A: Ten seconds flat.


What’s the difference between Wembley and New York?
Wembley’s still got their twin towers.


Then there’s the retarded terrorist who tried to crash the A-Train into the World Trade Center……….


Top 10 Good Things About The WTC Attack

10. There are now 18 fewer Arab taxi drivers terrorizing the streets.
9. Flight training schools proved that they are expensive but worth it.
8. People are learning how to spell “Afghanistan” correctly.
7. Plenty of parking available at airports now.
6. Jerry Springer Show was off the air for a whole week.
5. Sales for U.S. flags are way up.
4. Several new job openings now at NYPD and NYFD.
3. Much lower electric bills for Manhattan.
2. Home videos of the WTC attack more spectacular than Arnold Schwarzenegger’s last
5 movies.
And the number one …
1. Some great new unobstructed views of Manhattan now.

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05
Jul

Slay.me Joke of the DayA Georgia Congressman was seated next to a little girl on the airplane leaving from Atlanta when he turned to her and said, ‘Let’s talk.  I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.’

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the total stranger, ‘What would you like to talk about?’

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ said the southern congressman.  ‘How about global warming or universal health care’, and he smiles smugly.

OK, ‘ she said.  ‘Those could be interesting topics.  But let me ask you a question first.  A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass.  Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass.  Why do you suppose that is?’

The southern legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, ‘Hmmm, I have no idea.’

To which the little girl replies, ‘Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming or universal health care when you don’t know shit?

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