Posts Tagged ‘ass’

Ancient Hieroglyphics

Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols:

It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least 3000 years old!

The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols.

They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings.

The President of the society pointed to first drawing and said:

“This is a woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem.   You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, so they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil.   The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them.”   Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine hit the earth and food didn’t grow, they seek food from the sea.   The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews.

The audience applauded enthusiastically.

Then a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said,

“Idiots…Hebrew is read from right to left… It says: ‘Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Chick”

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10 Fruit to Live Joke of the DayOk there was 3 guys that were explorers Zakk, Dustin, And Brenden went to the amazon and met a tribe the leader said “i will let you live if you go out and get me 10 of the same fruit.”

So Brenden went first and came back with 10 banannas, the leader said “ok now i shove them up your ass and if you make one sound i will kill you.”

He got to the 3rd bannana and brenden started screaming so the leader killed him.

Then Zakk said i’ll go and he left and came back with 10 berries and the leader shoved them up his ass they got to the 9th berrie and Zakk started laughing so the leader killed him.

Then Brenden’s and Zakk’s souls rise out of there body toward heaven and Breden asked zakk “why did you laugh you could’ve lived?” and Zakk replied with a big smile on his face “man i couldn’t help it when i saw Dustin running over the hill with 10 pineapples.”
Submitted by Kristen

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The Nun’s Ass Joke of the DayA nun’s habit was in desperate need of money, but none were willing to give them any donations. Things were so terrible for them that the Habit’s donkey couldn’t even farm anymore due to hunger. The nun who owned the donkey, even though she thought it was wrong, stooped to desperate measures.

Taking the last bit of food– a carrot– from the kitchen, she lead the donkey to the local track. She tied the carrot in front of the donkey and bet all the money she had on the beast. The donkey was so hungry that it ran after the carrot and won first place. The odds were so low on the Donkey that she walked away with thousands of dollars. The story made the front page.

Nun’s Ass wins First Place!

Upon seeing this, the local cardinal immedeately found the nun and told her that she had committed a grave sin by gambling, and that she should take care of the news headline. The nun went to the local press the next morning and talked to the editor about it. After a while, the editor agreed to print a story rectifying the situation. The papers the next morning read,

Cardinal is Disturbed upon seeing Nun’s Ass at the Track

Upon seeing this, the Cardinal was furious. He went to the nun and demanded that she get rid of the donkey at once. He didn’t care how. The nun, thinking that it could at least serve God by getting some money, sold it to a local farmer, who happened to be the brother of the editor-in-cheif. The papers the next morning read,

Nun Peddles Ass on Street Corner

The cardinal was found dead that afternoon of a heart attack.

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