Archive for the ‘Marriage Jokes’ Category

30
Oct

A young Chinese couple gets married. She’s a virgin.

Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn’t know that.

On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.

He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring.

‘My darring,’ he whispers, ‘I know dis you firss time and you berry flighten.  I promise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting – juss anyting you want.  You juss ask.  Whatchu want?’ he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request.

She eventually shyly whispers back, ‘I want to try something I have hear about from odda girls…  Numbaa 69.’ More thoughtful silence from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her…

‘You want…….  garlic chicken wif snow peas?’

, , , ,

18
Dec

Frank and Dianne were in a local shopping center just before Christmas.

Dianne suddenly noticed that Frank was missing, and as they had a lot to do, she called him on his cell phone. Dianne asked, “Frank, where are you? You know that we have lots to do.”

Frank said, “Do you remember the jewelry store we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with a diamond necklace? I could not afford it at the time, and I said that one day I would get it for you.”

Little tears started to flow down Dianne’s cheek, and she got all choked up. “Yes, I do remember that shop,” she replied.

“Well, I’m in the Hooters next to it.”

, , , ,

28
Jan

Slay.me Joke of the DayAt the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted 3 black men totally naked, sitting on a bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.

The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.  He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society. ‘In fact’, he pointed out, ‘some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society’.

After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, ‘Would you like to know what the painting is really about?’

‘Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery’, asked the couple?

‘Because I am the artist, who painted the picture,’ he replied. ‘In fact, there are  no African Americans depicted at all.  They’re just three Irish coal miners.  The guy in the middle went home for lunch.’