Archive for the ‘Marriage Jokes’ Category

17
Oct

40 Years of Marriage

A couple in their early 60s are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. 

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.

She said, ‘For being such an exemplary married  couple and for being loving to each other for
all this time, I will grant you each a wish.’

The wife answered, ‘Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.’ 

The fairy waved her magic wand and – poof! – two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: ‘Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this may never come again. I’m
sorry, honey, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.’ 

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish!

So the fairy waved her magic wand and….poof!

The husband became 92 years old.

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23
Jan

My Harley Accident

While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost
control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head. Dazed and
confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a
shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked,

“Are you okay?” As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut
blouse with cleavage to die for.

“I’m okay I think,” I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the
car to get a closer look.

She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage
that nasty scrape on your head.”

“That’s nice of you,” I answered, “but I don’t think my wife will like
me doing that!”

“Oh, come now, I’m a nurse,” she insisted. “I need to see if you have
any more scrapes and then treat them properly.”

Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken
and weak, I agreed, but repeated, “I’m sure my wife won’t like this.”

We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a
couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, “I
feel a lot better but I know my wife is going to be really upset so
I’d better go now.”

“Don’t be silly!” she said with a smile. “Stay for a while. She won’t
know anything. By the way, where is she?”

“Still in the ditch with the Harley, I guess.”

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30
Oct

Wedding night

A young Chinese couple gets married. She’s a virgin.

Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn’t know that.

On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.

He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring.

‘My darring,’ he whispers, ‘I know dis you firss time and you berry flighten.  I promise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting – juss anyting you want.  You juss ask.  Whatchu want?’ he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request.

She eventually shyly whispers back, ‘I want to try something I have hear about from odda girls…  Numbaa 69.’ More thoughtful silence from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her…

‘You want…….  garlic chicken wif snow peas?’

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