Slay.me

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up…

The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, ‘Things are great and I’ve never felt better.’

I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.

“So what do you think about that Doc?”

The doctor considered his question for a minute and  then began to tell a story.

“I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.”

One day he was setting off to go hunting.

In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.”

“As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water’s edge..

He realized he’d left his gun at home and so he couldn’t shoot the magnificent creature.

Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went ‘bang, bang’.”

“Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.

Now, what do you think of that?” asked the doctor.

The 86-year-old said, “Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.”

The doctor replied, “My point exactly.”

These two Polish hunters are out in the woods. They are lucky enough to bag a moose–a really big buck with a nice spread of antlers.

Flushed with satisfaction and eager to get their trophy home, they proceed to grab hold of the moose’s tail and start pulling the carcass out of the woods. They pull and pull and pull but it won’t budge.

Finally a fellow hunter comes by and says, “Excuse me for offering some advice–but you might find it easier to haul that thing by the horns.” The two Polish hunters are ecstatic to hear this! Thanking the visitor heartily, they each grab an antler and start pulling.

A few hours later the fellow hunter passes by again and sees the two tired Polish hunters still at it, slowly but steadily pulling their moose by its horns through the woods.

“How’s it going?” he asks.

“Great!” they reply. “We only have one problem: we are getting farther and farther away from our car.

A duck hunter was out enjoying a nice morning on the marsh when he decided to take a leak He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged, shooting him in the genitals.

Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.

‘Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to live. The damage was confined to your pubic area, there was no internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buckshot.’

‘What’s the bad news?’ asked the hunter.

‘The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive  buckshot damage done to your penis.   I’m going to have to refer you to my sister.’

‘Oh, well I guess that isn’t too bad,’ the hunter replied. ‘Is your sister a plastic surgeon?’

‘Not exactly,’ answered the doctor.

‘She’s a flute player in the local symphony and she’s going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don’t piss in your eye.’