Slay.me

A foursome of guys is waiting at the men’s tee while a foursome of women is hitting from the ladies’ tee.

The ladies are taking their time. When the final lady is ready to hit her ball, she hacks it 10 feet.   Then she goes over and whiffs it completely. Then she hacks it another ten feet, and finally hacks it another five feet.

She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically, “I guess all those f–king lessons I took over the winter didn’t help.”

One of the men immediately responds, “Well, there you have it, you should have taken golf lessons instead!”

He never even had a chance to duck

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her foot to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little,thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg and foot.

She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn’t.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.

Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be good Samaritan and yelled,”How dare you touch my body!  I don’t even know who you are!”

The Texan smiled and drawled, “Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you,but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.”

Two bees met in a field. One said to the other, “How are things going?”
“Really bad,” said the second bee. “The weather has been cold, wet and damp, and there aren’t any flowers, so I can’t make honey.”
“No problem,” said the first bee, “Just fly down five blocks and turn left. Keep going until you see all the cars. There’s a Bar Mitzvah going on and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and fresh fruit.”
“Thanks for the tip!” said the second bee, and flew away. A few hours later the two bees ran into each other again.
The first bee asked, “How’d it go?”
“Great!” said the second bee. “It was everything you said it would be. There was plenty of fruit and, oh, such huge floral arrangements on every table! I made my quota easily.”
“Uh, what’s that thing on your head?” asked the first bee.
“That’s my yarmulke,” said the second bee. “I didn’t want them to think I was a wasp.”