Slay.me

A man goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the urologist for his yearly prostate check. When he gets there, he discovers the urologist is a very pretty female doctor.

The female doctor says, “I’m going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees,
then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, ’99’.”

The guy obeys and says,”99.”

The doctor says, “Great. Now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, ’99’.”

Again, the guy says, ’99’.”

The doctor said, “Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I’m going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I’m going to hold on to
your penis to keep it out of the way. Now take a deep breath and say, ’99’.”

The guy begins, “One .. Two … Three.”

Desperate for work, Paul decides to accept a job offer mining deep in Alaska. After a long journey he arrives at the mining camp, 200 miles from civilization. The camp is small, with only a handful of miners. He promptly meets up with the manager, and asks what his duties are.

“Firstly, you work six days of the week, every day except Saturday. Your primary duty is to help clear out the rubble, and dump it into the rock quarry down the road. The work isn’t easy, but you will get used to it. Also, you are on KP duty on Friday nights.”

Morning comes, and Paul goes to work. The work is hard, but he is strong enough that it isn’t a real problem.

However, by the time Thursday comes around, Paul is feeling kind of lonely. With the nearest women 200 miles away, he can’t imagine how the other miners endure from day to day. So, he approaches the manager.

“What do you want?” asks the manager.

“Well, the work itself is fine, and I have no complaints about it, but … well sir, I wonder what the other miners do for women around here?”

“Ah. Say no more. Let me show you something.”

The manager leads Paul into the mine, and turns down an unfamiliar passage. He continues on deeper into the mine into older and older tunnels until he finally stops at the end of a tunnel which must be well over a hundred years old. At the end is a barrel.

The manager says: “The other miners use this.”

“What?”

“Well, you see that knot hole? Try it out.”

Paul is decidedly skeptical about the idea, but he is desperate, so he gives it a shot. He absolutely can’t believe the results. He practically busts a nut–the best damned blow job he’s ever gotten.

Well, Friday comes around, and the work is getting him down, so he goes back to the barrel to try it again. Wow! This time the blow job is even better than last time. Truly unbelievable!

So, after a long day, and KP duty that night, Paul sleeps in on Saturday. He gets up at 11 and really feels great. He can’t think of much to do, so he heads off to visit the barrel. On his way to the mine, he bumps into the manager, who asks him:

“What are you doing here?”

“It’s my day off …”

“Day off? Hell no! It’s your turn in the barrel.”

A sixteen year old virgin girl goes to confession.

“Father, I called a man a son-of-a-bitch yesterday.”

“Why did you call him a son-of-a-bitch??” the priest asked.

“Because, father, he touched me on my arm without permission”

“Do you mean like this??” He touches her arm.

“Yes father.”

“That’s no reason for calling him a son-of-a-bitch.”

“But father he also touched my breasts.”

“You mean like this??” He touches her breasts.

“Yes father.”

“That’s no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch.”

“But father, he took off my clothes.”

“Like this??” He takes off her clothes.

“Yes father.”

“That’s no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch.”

“But father he then put his you-know-what in my you-know-where.”

“Like this??” He put his you-know-what in her you-know-where.

“Yes father,” she says sometime later.

“But that’s no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch.”

“But father, he has AIDS.”

“THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!”