Slay.me

Mike works hard at nothing but spends two nights each week bowling, And plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he’s pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she Takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says,

“Hey, Mike! How ya doin?”

His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before.

“Oh no,” says Mike. “He’s in my bowling league.”

When they are seated, a waitress asks Mike if he’d like his usual and Brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,
“How did she know that you drink Budweiser?”

“I recognize her, she’s the waitress from the golf club. I always have A Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.”

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Mike, Starts to rub herself all over him and says, “Hi Mikie. Want your usual table dance, big boy?”

Mike’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Mike follows and spots her getting into a taxi.

Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Mike tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken Him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says,

“Geez Mike, you picked up a real bitch This time.”

Mike’s funeral will be on Tuesday.

An elderly lady was invited to an old friends home for dinner one evening.

She was impressed by the way her lady friend preceded every request to her husband with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.

While the husband was in the living room, her lady friend leaned over to her hostess to say, ‘I think it’s wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your husband all those loving names’.

The elderly lady hung her head and said, ‘I have to tell you the truth, his name slipped my mind about 10 years ago, and I’m scared to death to ask the cranky old bastard what his name is.’

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,……….

‘Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold.’

‘I have a better idea,’ she replied ‘Just for tonight,…… let’s pretend that we’re married.’

‘Wow!…………………. That’s a great idea!’, he exclaimed.

‘Good,’ she replied. ………….’Get your own f***ing blanket.’

After a moment of silence, ………………….he farted.

The End