There was an old couple sitting at a table. The old man said to the old lady, “I remember 50 years ago we were sitting at this very table.”
The old woman said, “Yes, and we were probably naked as jay birds.”
The old man said, “Well, what do you say..wanna get naked?” So they both stripped.
The old woman said, “You know hunny, my breasts are just as hot for you as they were 50 years ago.” a
The old man replied, “I can imagine, one is in your oatmeal and the other is in your coffee.”
1st woman : Hi! My name is Wanda
2nd woman : Hi! I’m Kelly. How’d you die?
1st woman : I froze to Death.
2nd woman : How horrible!
1st woman : It wasn’t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman : I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating so I came home early to catch him in the act. Instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman : I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran into the attic and searched and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn’t look in the freezer—we’d both still be alive.
Eileen and her husband Bob went for counseling after 25 years of marriage.
When asked what the problem was, Eileen went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married.
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking Eileen to stand, embraced her, unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on her breasts and massaged them thoroughly, while kissing her passionately as her husband Bob watched with a raised eyebrow!
Eileen shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down while basking in the glow of being highly aroused.
The therapist turned to Bob and said, ‘This is what your wife needs at least three times a week.. Can you do this?’
Bob thought for a moment and replied, ‘Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf.