Slay.me

Moishe (the father)  says to his son: “I want you to marry a girl of my choice”. The son  says: “I will choose my own bride”.

Moishe says: “But the girl is  Bill Gates’ daughter”.
The son answers: “Well, in that case, yes  ok”.

Moishe then approaches Bill Gates and says: “I have a  husband for your daughter”.
Bill Gates answers: “But my daughter is too  young to get married”!

Moishe says: “But this young man is a  vice-president of the World Bank”.

Bill Gates answers: “Ah, in that  case, yes ok”.

Finally Moishe goes to see the president of  the World Bank. Moishe says: “I have a young man to be recommended as  a vice-president”.

The president answers: “But I already have  more vice-presidents than I need”.

Moishe says: “But  this young man is Bill Gates’ son-in-law”.

The President  answers: “Ah, in that case, yes ok.”

And that is how  successful Jews do business…

What differentiates females aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68 and 78?

At 8 — You put her to bed and read her a story.

At 18 — You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 — You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 — She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 — She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 — You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 — If you take her to bed, that’ll be a story!

At 78 — What story? What bed? Who the hell are you?

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some  cyanide.”

The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”

The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”

The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband. That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll  throw both of us in jail!
All kinds of bad things will happen.  Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now, that’s  different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”