Slay.me

Yesterday was my birthday And I didn’t feel very well Waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast Hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, ‘Happy Birthday!’, And possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out, She barely said good morning, Let alone ‘Happy Birthday.’

I thought…

Well, that’s marriage for you, But the kids… They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast And didn’t say a word.

So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low And somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, My secretary Jane said, ‘Good Morning Boss, And by the way Happy Birthday! ‘

It felt a little better That at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o’clock, When Jane knocked on my door And said, ‘You know, It’s such a beautiful day outside, And it is your Birthday, S0 What do you say we go out to lunch, Just you and me.’

I said, ‘Thanks, Jane, that’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go!’

We went to lunch. But we didn’t go Where we normally would go. She chose instead at a quiet bistro With a private table. We had two martinis each And I enjoyed the meal tremendously…

On the way back to the office, Jane said, ‘You know, It’s such a beautiful day…. We don’t need to go straight back to the office, Do we ?’

I responded, ‘I guess not. What do you have in mind?’

She said, ‘Let’s drop by my apartment, it’s just around the corner.’

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After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, ‘ Boss, if you don’t mind, I’m going to step into the bedroom For just a moment. I’ll be right back.’

‘Ok.’ I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, After a couple of minutes, She came out Carrying a huge birthday cake ……..

Followed By my wife, My kids, And dozens of my friends And co-workers, All singing ‘Happy Birthday’.

And I just sat there…

On the couch…

Naked.

The Israelis and Arabs realized that if they continued fighting, they would someday end up destroying the whole world, so they decided to settle their dispute with an ancient practice: A duel of two, like
David and Goliath. This would be a dog fight. The negotiators agreed each side would take 5 years to develop the best fighting dog they could.

The dog that won the fight would earn its people the right to rule the disputed areas. The losing side would have to lay down its arms for good.

The Arabs found the biggest, meanest Dobermans and Rottweilers in the world.

They bred them together and then crossed their offspring with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy of each litter, fed it the best food and killed all the other
puppies.. They used steroids and trainers in their quest for the perfect killing machine.

After the 5 years were up, they had a dog that needed iron prison bars on its cage. Only expert trainers could handle this incredibly nasty, ferocious beast.

When the day of the big dog-fight finally arrived, the Israelis showed up with a very strange animal, a Dachshund that was 10 feet long!!

Everyone at the dog-fight arena felt sorry for the Israelis. No one there seriously thought this weird, odd-looking animal stood any chance against the growling beast over in the Arab camp. The
bookies all took one look and predicted the Arab dog would win in less than a minute.

The cages were opened. The Dachshund slowly waddled toward the center of the ring.

The Arab dog leaped from his cage and charged the giant wiener-dog. As he got to within an inch of the Israeli dog, the Dachshund opened its jaws and swallowed the Arab beast whole in one bite. There was nothing left but a small puff of fur from the Arab killer-dog’s tail floating to the ground.

The stunned crowd of international observers, bookies and media personnel let out a collective gasp of disbelief and surprise.

The Arabs approached the Israelis, muttering and shaking their heads in disbelief. “We do not understand,” said their leader, “our top scientists and breeders worked for 5 years with the meanest, biggest Dobermans, Rottweillers and Siberian wolves. They developed an incredible killing machine of a dog”.

The Israeli General replied. “Well, for 5 years we have had a team of Jewish plastic surgeons in Beverly Hills, California, working to make an alligator look like a Dachshund.”

In a recent news broadcast, it was announced that Lorena Bobbitt’s sister Louella Bobbitt was arrested for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago. Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena.

She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh causing severe muscle and tendon damage. The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable condition, and Louella has been charged with …

A Misdewiener!