Slay.me

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen to the conversation:

MAN: “Hello”

WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

MAN: “Yes”

WOMAN: “I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”

MAN: “Sure, .go ahead if you like it that much.”

WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked.”

MAN: “How much?”

WOMAN: “$90,000”

MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one  more thing .. The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $950,000”

MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand if it’s really a pretty good price.”

WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!!”

MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.”

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape…..

He smiles and asks: “Anyone know who this phone belongs to?”

An old Pilot sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..

She turned to the pilot and asked, ‘Are you a real pilot?’

He replied, ‘Well, I’ve spent my whole life flying biplanes, Cubs, Aeronca’s,  Neiuports, flew in WWII in a B-29, and later in the Korean conflict,  taught 50 people to fly and gave rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot.’

She said, ‘I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women.

As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women.  When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV,  I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.’

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked: “are you a real pilot?”

He replied, ‘I always thought I was, but I just found out  I’m a lesbian.’

All women should live so long as to be this kind of old lady!

Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, “How many of you have forgiven your enemies?”

80% held up their hands.

The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.

“Mrs. Neely, Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”

“I don’t have any”, she replied, smiling sweetly.

“Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?”

“Ninety-eight”, she replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.

“Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?”

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said, “I outlived the bitches”.