Slay.me

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: “For Women Only.” Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

 

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. “We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It’s easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what’s inside.”

 

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: “All the men on this floor are short and plain.” The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

 

The sign on the second floor reads: “All the men here are short and handsome.” Still, this isn’t good enough, so the friends continue on up.

 

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: “All the men here are tall and plain.”

 

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

 

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: “All the men here are tall and handsome.” The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

 

There they find a sign that reads: “There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman.”

A Blonde Goes On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire

 

Regis: “Barbara, you’ve done very well so far – $500,000 and one lifeline left — phone a friend.

 

The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right … but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 — are you ready?”

 

Barbara: “Sure, I’ll have a go!”

 

Regis: “Which of the following birds does not build it’s own nest?

 

Is it……..

 

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush

 

Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars.”

 

“I think I know who it..but I’m not 100%…

 

No, I haven’t got a clue. I’d like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.

 

Regis: “Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?

 

Barbara: “I’ll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham.”

 

(ringing)

 

Maggie (also a blonde): “Hello…”

 

Regis: “Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Million.

 

The next voice you hear will be Barbara’s and she’ll read you the question.

 

There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer — fire away Barbara.”

 

Barbara: “Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it’s own nest? Is it:

 

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush”

 

Maggie: “Oh Gees, Barbara that’s simple…..It’s a Cuckoo.”

 

Barbara: “You think?”

 

Maggie: “I’m sure.”

 

Barbara: ” Thanks Maggie.” (hangs up)

 

Regis: “Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?”

 

Barbara: “I want to play, I’ll go with C-Cuckoo”

 

Regis: “Is that your final answer?”

 

Barbara: “It is.”

 

Regis: “Are you confident?”

 

Barbara: “Yes fairly, Maggie’s a sound bet.”

 

Regis: “Barbara…..you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo …you’re right! – You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

 

Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara.”

 

(clapping)

 

That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks “Tell me Maggie, How in God’s name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?

 

Maggie: “Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock.”

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

 

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”

 

“What?” said the puzzled groom.

 

“How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”

 

“Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

 

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.

 

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.

 

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.

 

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

 

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.

 

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

 

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

 

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

 

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!”

 

“Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?”

 

“You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!”