Slay.me

A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal. Before the final match, the Irish wrestler’s trainer came to him and said ‘Now, don’t forget all the research we’ve done on this Russian. He’s never lost a match because of this ‘pretzel’ hold he has. It ties you up in knots. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you’re finished.’

The Irishman nodded in acknowledgment. As the match started, the Irishman and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the Irishman and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn’t watch the inevitable happen.

Suddenly, there was a Long, High Pitched Scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the Irishman collapsed on top of him, making the pin and winning the match.

The trainer was astounded. When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked ‘How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!’

The wrestler answered ‘Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength, I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.’

The trainer exclaimed ‘That’s what finished him off?’

‘Not really. You’d be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own nuts.

A New York judge is presiding over the divorce proceedings of a Jewish couple.

When the final papers have been signed and the divorce is completed, the woman thanks the judge and says, “Now I have to arrange for a Gett.”

The judge inquires what she means by a Gett.

So, the woman explains that a Gett is a religious ceremony required under the Jewish religion in order to receive a divorce recognized by the Jewish faith.

The judge says, “You mean a religious ceremony like a Bris?”

She replies, “Yes, very similar, only in this case you get rid of the entire prick.

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: Two Prostitutes – $50.00.

A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them, and told them they’d either have to remove the sign or go to jail.

At that time, another car passed with a sign saying: “Jesus Saves.”

One of the girls asked the officer, “How come you don’t stop them?”

“Well, that’s a little different,” the officer said. “Their sign pertains to religion.”

The following day the same police officer noticed the same two hookers driving around with a large sign on their car. He figured he had an easy arrest until he read their new sign:

Two Fallen Angels
Seeking Peter — $50.