Slay.me

An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ‘Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.’

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, ‘Well, doc, it’s like this — first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

‘Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

‘We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing’ it between her knees, but still nothing.’

The doctor was shocked!

‘You asked your neighbor?’

The old man replied, ‘Yep, none of us could get the jar open.’

Donald  Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in  a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with  Daisy.

The  first thing Daisy asked was, “Do you have a  condom?”

Donald  frowned and said, “No.”

Daisy told Donald that if  he didn’t get a condom,  they  could not have sex.

“Maybe they sell them at  the front desk,” she  suggested.

So  Donald went down to the lobby  and asked  the hotel clerk if they had  condoms.

“Yes,  we do,” the clerk said and  pulled  a box out from under the counter and  gave  it to Donald.

The  clerk asked, “Would you like me to put them  on  your bill?”

“Thit  No!”  Donald quacked, “I’ll  thuffocate!”

Old guys just want to be helpful.

I was in Lowe’s the other day pushing my cart around when I collided with a young guy pushing his cart.

I said to the young guy, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”

The young guy says, “That’s OK. It’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.”

I said, “Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?”

The young guy says, “Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she’s wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra.  What does your wife look like?”

I said, “Doesn’t matter — let’s look for yours.”

Most of us old guys are helpful like that.