Slay.me

An elderly lady decided to give  herself a big treat for her significant birthday by staying overnight in  one of London’s most expensive hotels.
When she checked out next morning,  the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.

She exploded and demanded to know  why the charge was so high. “It’s a nice hotel but the rooms certainly  aren’t worth $250.00 for just an overnight stop  without even breakfast.”
The clerk told her that  $250.00  is the ‘standard rate’ so she insisted on speaking to the  Manager.

The Manager appeared and forewarned  by the desk clerk announced: “The hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a  huge conference center which are available for use.”
“But I didn’t use them,” she said.

“Well, they are here, and  you could have,” explained the  Manager.

He went on to explain that she  could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is  famous. “We have the best entertainers from Edinburgh, Glasgow, and  Aberdeen performing here,” the Manager said.

“But I didn’t go to any  of those shows,” she said.

“Well, we have them, and you could  have,” the Manager replied.

No matter what amenity the Manager  mentioned, she replied, “But I didn’t use  it!”

The Manager was unmoved, so she  decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to the Manager.

The  Manager was surprised when he looked at the check.  “But madam,  this check is only made out for $50.00.” “That’s correct. I charged  you $200.00 for sleeping with me,” she  replied.

“But I didn’t!” exclaims the very  surprised Manager..

“Well, too bad, I was here, and you  could have.”

Yesterday my daughter asked why I didn’t do something useful with my time.

She suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with other seniors.

I did this and when I got home last night I t old her that I had joined a parachute club.

She said “Are you nuts?

You’re almost 75 years old and you’re going to start jumping out of airplanes?”

I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.

She said to me, “Where are your glasses!

This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!”

I’m in trouble again and don’t know what to do!

I signed up for five jumps a week!

Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier.

A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy.

So the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.

The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun.  I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me only $5.  Then you ask me one, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500, he says.

This catches the senior’s attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question.  ‘What’s the distance from the Earth to the Moon?’

The senior doesn’t say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now it’s the senior’s turn.  He asks the lawyer, ‘What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?’

The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he can find on the Net.

He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail.  After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.

He wakes the senior and hands him $500.  The senior pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer.  He wakes the senior up and asks, ‘Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?’

The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.