Slay.me

Donald  Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in  a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with  Daisy.

The  first thing Daisy asked was, “Do you have a  condom?”

Donald  frowned and said, “No.”

Daisy told Donald that if  he didn’t get a condom,  they  could not have sex.

“Maybe they sell them at  the front desk,” she  suggested.

So  Donald went down to the lobby  and asked  the hotel clerk if they had  condoms.

“Yes,  we do,” the clerk said and  pulled  a box out from under the counter and  gave  it to Donald.

The  clerk asked, “Would you like me to put them  on  your bill?”

“Thit  No!”  Donald quacked, “I’ll  thuffocate!”

Yesterday my daughter asked why I didn’t do something useful with my time.

She suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with other seniors.

I did this and when I got home last night I t old her that I had joined a parachute club.

She said “Are you nuts?

You’re almost 75 years old and you’re going to start jumping out of airplanes?”

I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.

She said to me, “Where are your glasses!

This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!”

I’m in trouble again and don’t know what to do!

I signed up for five jumps a week!

Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier.

A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghan Dessert. During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asked the Sergeant why the camel was kept there.

The nervous sergeant said, ‘Sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. Sometimes the men have urges. That’s why we have Molly the Camel.

The Captain said, ‘I can’t say that I condone this, but I can understand about the ‘urges’, so the camel can stay.’

About a month later, the Captain starts having his own ‘urges’ Crazed with passion, he asked the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and makes passionate love to the camel. When he’s done, he asked the Sergeant, ‘Is that how the men do it?’

‘No sir. They usually just ride the camel into town. That’s where the girls are.”