Slay.me

The missus was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast.

Her husband walked in; she turned to him and said, You’ve got to make love to me this very moment.’

His eyes lit up and he thought, ‘This is my lucky day!’

Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her And then gave it his all, Right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards, she said, “Thanks,” And returned to the stove.

More than a little puzzled, he asked, “What was that all about?”

She explained,

“The egg timer’s broken.”

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, ‘Have you been in the service?’

‘Yes,’ he says. ‘I was in Vietnam for three years.’

The interviewer says, ‘That will give you extra points toward employment’ and then asks, ‘Are you disabled in any way?

The guy says, ‘Yes 100%…a mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off.’

The interviewer tells the guy, ‘O.K. I can hire you right now.  The hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00 A.M.’

The guy is puzzled and says, ‘If the hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 A.M.?’

‘This is a government job’ the interviewer says. ‘For the first two hours we stand around scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.’

In testifying before the Judge in a rape case, the complaining witness, a Blonde Prostitute was asked

by the Judge.  “When did it occur to you that the defendant raped you versus his claim of consensual sex?

The Blonde replied ” when his check bounced.”